Tuesday, November 20, 2007

One Man's Trash...

OK, I'm not sure who I think I'm kidding. Because even though I know you're not supposed to advertise when you're out of town, anyone who ever reads this blog has GOT to know that I am
A) out of town, or
B) dying in the hospital.

At least if I were dying in the hospital, I wouldn't feel so bad about not making my blog rounds and saying hello.
Actually, yes I would.

So I'm banking on the idea that nobody who reads this is actually a robber, waiting for the opportune moment to go in to my house and get my most valuable possessions. If you've been stalking my blog, patiently wondering when you're going to get your hands on the good stuff, I'll tell you right now, it's NOT worth it.

But if you insist, at least let me help you out so I don't have to clean up your mess when I get home.

1) Jewelry. Pretty much everything I wear is fake. Except my wedding rings, which I have with me, and the pearls my grandma gave me when I graduated high school which I hid in a really really super safe place the last time we went away and haven't been able to find them since.
I think they're somewhere in my closet.

2) Computer equipment. Well, we pretty much brought everything that works well with us so The Brain could set up a giant computer network-o-fun. Don't even bother. All those hard drives laying around are mostly from people we know whose computers have crashed and they bring their stuff over to see if The Brain can fix it. If it's still there, it's trash. But feel free....

As far as other electronics, if you can watch it, put it in your ears, or download anything onto it, we brought it with us. That's right, picture the Beverly Hillbillies with Ipods. (It's almost worth it to download a music player for this post. Just so you can really get that Beverly Hillbilly banjo feel. Almost.)

3) China and silver. Um, my china is nice, but hardly worth carefully wrapping each piece so it would actually be worth something when you were done. Might wanna grab some bubble wrap on the way over if you're thinking about it. Same with the silver pieces. (Both of them)

I always wonder about those movies where the robbers just toss everything into the pillowcases. When they get home and pour out all the scratched and broken loot, does anyone really want it? Or are they just trying to impress all their robber friends with the valuable stuff they grabbed, and then they throw it all in a dumpster on their way to KFC for dinner?

4) Cash. ( HA HA HA HA ) Umm, yeah.

5) What you really want is my secret stash. It's in the china cabinet, third drawer. It's a small mixture, but there's enough variety to keep you occupied for awhile. There's a tiny box of See's chocolate, a couple of Lindt chocolate bars (Do you have any idea what a Lindt pistachio chocolate bar could bring on the open market??) and I think there are some twizzlers way in the back. You know, because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

And when you're done? Could you at least leave a comment? I'm dying to know where those pearls were.

18 comments:

jjstringham said...

Okay. I'm totally gonna rob you now. . . just for the See's of course.

Lena said...

Mmm, I'll take the Lindt. I love the truffles but haven't had a bar yet- much bigger so it must be better!

Stephanette said...

What?!? No Cadburry Bars....yum those are my favorites. I thought about trying to figure out where you lived last weekend, but there's something about Cajun Man's job that would keep me from breaking in and stealing even chocolate. I'd hate to be arrested by my hubby!

Yvonne said...

You are HYSTERICAL!!! If I hadn't had my fill of See's on my recent trip, I'd consider ; )

Have a great time!!!

Kimberly said...

Officially the funniest post I've read all day. You're brilliant, you know that?

So...umm...if I slip you my address will you mail me some chocolate? =P

Tonya said...

You're finally gone; The secret stash is mine..all mine. HEHEHE!!

P.S. You crack me up.

Sue said...

tee hee I feel totally safe in our neighborhood. We have the smallest house on the block. No self respecting robber would choose our house. There are advantages to not being able to keep up with the Joneses.

Nancy Face said...

SOOO funny! My very favorite is the pearls in the closet and the request for a comment, hahaha! :D

I could never have a secret stash in my house...I'd annihilate it in 60 seconds flat. The robbers wouldn't stand a chance at it.

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

randi hon,
you are a hoot! i loved the secret stash! you can send me SEE's chocolate anyday baby! funny girl. so love your personality and spunk girl. come and share a sweet moment with my daughter last night. i posted it this morning. i know you will know why this is so meangingful to me friend.

hope all is well in your family,
kathleen :)

Caroline said...

Sneaky sneaky. Those pesky robbers will be sad they chose your house. Meanwhile, am I the only one on earth that doesn't go for chocolate? You can keep your stash, and your twizzlers too!

Maddy said...

Well at least we won't have to waste time searching!
Happy thanksgiving

ganelle said...

I wasn't planning on hunting down your address, but geez, those pearls sound awful pretty. Any chance you have some cute leather boots in your closet as well? I wear a size 11 shoe. I'm just thinking that if I'm in there looking anyway...

Heather said...

Seriously?? Where do you come up with this? Enjoy TURKEY Day.

mindyluwho said...

Well, since you mentioned the Lindt, is it by any chance dark chocolate? Because those are my favorite...

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi randi,
i came back just to throw a tennis shoe into your comment section. that was so cute how you said that a long time ago.

hey, hope your thanksgiving day is groovy. take care sweetie, kathleen :)

Melissa said...

The pearls were in a little box, stuck inside an old pair of tennis shoes, shoved into an old stuffed animal. I would hate to play hide and seek with you ;)

JustRandi said...

THANK-YOU! Now I can sleep tonight.
You guys are hilarious!!

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

randi,
you are so awesome, i hope you know that sweetie! good day to ya, kathleen :)