Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Two Down, Two To Go

It didn't used to bother me when my children were upset after I did or said something. Hey, if they wanted to cry about play dates, or having to take a bath? I was used to it.

Willing to throw a cereal aisle tantrum because I said no to a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs? Didn't really bother me. (though it does make me laugh when I think about this commercial..)

Angry and stomping around because they had to finish chores before they had social time? Bring it.

So why does it bother me so much now to make my children sad? Last week's birthday incident with Lizzie about broke my heart. And on her birthday, no less.

Today I did a really stupid thing that really made Mimi sad. It was a little thing, and not the kind of thing I'd normally write down and send into the universe for about eleventy billion people to read, but in the interest of sparing you from making this same mistake, I'll just mention it.

This morning she had taken particular care putting together an ensemble to wear to school. And she really did look cute. Coordinating jewelry and everything. I told her how nice she looked.

And then, because I'm an IDIOT, it flashed through my head that maybe the confidence and fun of having a great hair/clothes/skin day , would take some of the sting out of having to get some other disappointing news about, well, let's just say about how a family rule was about to seriously impede her social life. Which news could absolutely have waited until after school, but in my flash of stupidity, I felt the need to mention it right then.

The look on her face fell. And I can't believe I did that to her, and as I write it down, it seems SO mean. I really wasn't trying to be mean. I was trying to soften the blow.

So, she didn't cry - you know - had to be at least under control enough to save the mascara. (After all, we have our priorites, people!)

But after that, there was no amount of cheering up or promises of new earrings that would really salvage the day.

The lesson here = really? kids get emotionally beat up all day at school. They just do. If you can send them out the door happy and full of confidence, why wouldn't you? If the bad news can wait, LET IT.

So, I've made 2 out of my 4 kids cry this week out of my own sheer thoughtlessness. Only one more and I'll have a hat trick. I'm trying not to go for the sweep.

14 comments:

Melissa said...

I've done the same thing before. Why don't these kids come with instruction manuals? Something along the lines of "Parenting for Dummies" would be right up my alley. I'm sorry you're having a rough time... :S

Britt- Sparkled Vintage Charm said...

I am sure you are a wonderful Mom!! These things happen sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself :-)

Kimberly said...

Do you have any idea how fabulous a mother you are to have noticed the effect your news had on her? And to care about her reaction? I love my mum to bits, but she was a little lacking in that department.

It's part of the way this life is set up, unfortunately, that we often have to make the same small mistakes over...and over...and over...and over again, before we actually change our behaviour. A small moment of thoughtlesness is one step towards a lifetime of increased thoughtfulness, if you look at it that way.

Hope it gets better for you soon. ~hugs~

"Vern" said...

my daughter has cried herself to sleep for 2 out of the last 3 nights because we are selling our old car. Imagine when she starts to cry over stuff that really matters! If we make it through the teenage years we will both deserve a medal.

Heather said...

That stinks... but at least you realized what happened- so you are headed in the right direction! You are a great mom, I'm just sure of it.

kristen said...

I can tell from your blog that you are a great person AND a great mom. So don't be too hard on yourself. My parents have said things to make me cry; such is life.

Besides, some tough love is good every now and then.

Tonya said...

The fact that you care shows me what a sweet mom you are. We all make mistakes and I until children come with some kind of instructions we will continue to do so. She'll be thanking her lucky stars someday for such a good mom.

Baby J said...

haha I loved the commerical. It made me think of something my mom might've done. You're a really great mom and a hysterical one at that ;) We all have our bad emotion-filled weeks. Just try not to get the other two kids crying if at all possible..

Caroline said...

well, if you're gonna make one cry... just kidding. And I agree with the others, the fact that you care clearly redeems anything. Everyone is entitled to bad days. Even moms and teenagers.

Yvonne said...

Being a mom of a teenage girl is tough!!! (Really tough) I agee with everyone else-the fact that you noticed says a lot about the kind of mom you are!

Nancy Face said...

I'm sorry! It's obvious how very much you love and care for your children...you're a good mom!

I try not to think about all the times I've said something that I regretted, other than trying to learn something from my mistakes and hopefully do better the next time!

Baby J said...

WHAT??!! NO NEW POST FOR 11/8/07?? THE AUDACITY!

Hope4Hannah said...

well, since 2 of us aren't at home anymore, i think you're safe. Oh! and PS- EVERYONE here is SO jealous of all the AMAZING care packages I get from my wonderful Mommy. I'm not even kidding. people won't even come with me to check my mail anymore because they dont get the cool stuff I do from the great people who love them! Every time I walk to my room with a package my friends start pulling out their phones and calling their moms and saying "So She just got a care package from Her mom. who Loves her...."

Thanks Mom!! You're seriously, without a doubt, the best mom anyone could ever have!

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi randi,
you are an awesome example to me of a great mommy, so just stop knocking yourself or i'll have to come tip you over :)

we try, but this is the hardest job ever of any of them. and totally sa-weet what hope4hanna said about you. proof in the pudding!

and i loved seeing that commercial. so funny. thanks for the friday laugh before i head off to work.

remember, the force is strong in him. he he. no, remember, you are an amazing woman and you are loved. blessings this day hon, kathleen :)