Monday, June 9, 2008

Too Soon?

Ever since we moved into the house, The Brain has had his "office" in the basement. It's been a good place, because he's been able to really spread out. A lot. And when you're a computer guy, who pretty much lives and breathes computers at work AND in most of your spare time, you need a lot of room. You've gotta be able to network computers together so you can invite people over to play games. You've gotta have multiple places for pieces-parts of computers that people bring over to be looked at, not to mention the hundreds of CD's in various stages of burnedness (many of them originally for me and the kids). But it is cold down there. At least cold enough that 2 space heaters aren't really enough during the winter months.

So ever since we moved in, the plan was that once the kids started leaving the nest, he would move the office to the second floor, into one of the bedrooms.

Which I have been completely on board with, right?

Right.

And so the question now becomes, when?

When Buddy left for his mission, I was not interested in rearranging his room right away. The Brain, however, was ready and very interested in getting started immediately - if not sooner.

I proposed that we at least wait until the bed sheets were cold.

He wanted to avoid the beginnings of a shrine. (probably had a point there...)

And we got into a few testy discussions about whether or not it would be appropriate to completely obliterate all material things and memories that make up a child's existence rearrange a few things, so the space can be used by the people who umm, actually live here.

(And can you believe that during the discussions, it was implied that I was being kind of emotional? )
(I know, right?)

So the question is really not "Whether or not?" but more a matter of "When?"
Anybody have a thought?

22 comments:

Heather said...

Hmmmm.... I have no advice since I'm about 14 yrs away from that situation.

Good luck and on the bright side, if Buddy comes home again he won't stay long if the basement is an igloo.

Yvonne said...

Brent left for his mission January 2005, and Heidi left for college August 2001 and their rooms are still the same--I think I'm definitely the WRONG person to ask ; )

Charlie said...

Well, you don't wanna end up like Ray Finkle's parents in "Ace Ventura - Pet Detective." (Never seen it? Go watch it. Pretty fun!) So I say let it go...

Janell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janell said...

When I left for college my room was a shell of its former messiness because Mom had instructed, "Pack and put anything you want to keep in the attic, and I reserve the right to throw away anything remaining in your room." By the time I came home from Christmas my sister had moved from her itty-bitty bedroom to my more spacious room. That was that. My feelings weren't hurt at all because when I was growing up it was accepted as general practice that once one moved out of the house (and one would do so shortly after completing high school) then the space would be reallocated.

kristen said...

Tough situation. My parents moved when I was a sophomore in college; but before that I think I packed up my stuff anyways. We were always switching rooms so it's not like I had a special room forever.

I would say it's about compromise. While the room should be turned into something that can be used, it should also be done when you are ready (but of course it can't be like 10 yrs from now).

Maybe you guys could swing a deal. He could buy you something really nice in return for your letting him rearrange the room....

TheSpeedingApple said...

I say keep a small corner or something the same, but rearrange everything else.

^v^

"Q" said...

Well, my daughter IS on a mission and her bedroom IS a shrine, but, when "the man-child goes on his mission the plan is to turn his room into the office...
can't imagine why he's always said we like her better than him.

The truth is I am the one growing up here, and my kids are fine.

ganelle said...

I always loved having my old bedroom there for me. Of course, I was usually returning every four months or so...

Tori :) said...

Where will he sleep when he comes home from his mission?

Lena said...

When the kids in my family were getting ready to go off to college we had to pack up everything. Everything. It wasn't our room anymore. Even if there wasn't anyone left to take the room. The stuff went in the attic. That included when my brother's went on their missions. When we left the house, we weren't going to come back to live there. We all knew it. Now, we'd probably be welcome again, it's just that they had raised us with the knowledge that when you leave home, you don't come back as an adult and live there again. When each of us got married, my dad happily took us off the car insurance that day and it wasn't long before we were being asked when we could come get the rest of our stuff out of the attic, lol. I love my dad but it wouldn't have hurt for him to ACT like he was going to miss our messes, lol. It sounds harsher than what it was...

Melissa said...

My parent's didn't do anything to my room at first because they didn't really need the space and I was coming home every so often to visit. Then my sister moved out and one of my brothers moved into her room. When my brother went on his mission my parents were a little torn. He would be coming home and living there for awhile before heading to college... so they compromised. The room was large enough that they were able to put the computer in one corner and still leave the bed up. I don't know how happy he was to have the office in his room when he came home, but at least he still had a place to sleep... so he can't complain TOO much!!

TheDillon6 said...

My mother-in-law and I were discussing the fact that once they leave on their missions, they rarely actually "come home." They may return for a place to rest in between mission and college, or in between semesters, or right before they marry. But they rarely return forever.

My vote is to convert his shrine into a home office, but to be sure he has a cozy place to nest when he returns with honor.

(all this from one who is over a decade away from having to make such a tragic and heartwrenching decision)

Jenny said...

I am with the previous people/posts. Let the people who live there use the space. I like the idea of leaving the bed and one area--or table the same but changing the rest.

Help I need a user name! said...

Wow. That's tough. I'd say put in some shelves and stuff for computers, buy some (or if you have them, use the ones you have) cheap, comfy chairs...like gaming chairs, bean bag chairs (guys can get off the floor easier than us), big pillows, etc. But I, too, would leave the bed. Take his "sentimental" stuff (trophies, awards, etc) and put them on other shelves or keep one or two so you can remember his childhood, but move toward moving on. Ish.

Janell said...

Unsolicited advice: I'm liking the proposals that you just move a little stuff around. Keep the things the details that really make the room "his:" decorations, wall-color, lamps, or whatever." Then just move the furniture and (as necessary) add in the storage space you need to make a nice, warm office.

Hopefully that's as easily done as it is said.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

We have 6 kids and only 3 bedrooms. Space is at a premium around here and you gotta claim whats yours before its gone. Ditto for food.

East of Eden said...

Before I left on my mission, I packed up all of my stuff and put it away, so that the family could have my space when I was gone. I would suggest that's what you do with Buddy's stuff, but realize that he will be back and will need a place to go when he does come back, even if it's just for a short time.

Marilyn said...

You will think I am probably the worst mother ever-but I made my son pack and sort all his stuff BEFORE he left so I would know what he wanted to save. Then I packed it all up in 3 large plastic boxes on the top of the shelf in the closet. His sister was chomping at the bit to get moved into his room just hours after he left (it was bigger than hers). I did keep out his football jersey & picture and put it in his brother's room so we wouldn't wipe away all traces of his life-then we knocked a hole and enlarged 2 bedrooms into one large office/craft room-which we LOVE. I really did this so I would have something to look forward to and not spend my days "grieving" over him being gone. It did help-When he comes home in 10 months-he will share a room with his brother-who will leave shortly thereafter--and I think he will want to move out-he has said as much. So this is the end of my looooongg post about how heartless I am....

No Cool Story said...

Oh man. I don't even want to think about that yet :(

Nancy Face said...

My son's "shrine" lasted the entire two years, haha! But I liked using his empty bed as a place to plop down my current sewing project! :)

Amy said...

This was very fun to read. I was a little hurt when I graduated from high school and the same day I left the school my 12 year old sister asked me when I was moving out.