Thursday, October 30, 2008

Oh Good! A Morbid Post Just In Time for Halloween

With some recent occurrences around the internets reminding me how fragile and unpredictable life is, I've been thinking.

(I know, it's dangerous!)

What would really happen if I died?

Oh, I'm not going all emotional on you right now. I'm thinking along the lines of practical. Because let's face it. When someone dies - in my limited experience- generally family members descend upon that person's house. Someone would definitely be staying in my spare bedroom, and probably someone in the basement, too. Which wouldn't really bother me if I had plenty of time to prepare, but since I'll be dead, that probably won't happen. And I'm guessing that since it's hard enough to get my kids to actually clean while I'm right here "reminding" them, it's not too likely they'll think to do all that on their own.

Would it permanently damage everyone in the house, if I tape a sealed envelope to the fridge labeled "In Case I Die"?

I mean, I'd just like to make a little checklist of cleaning to be done, food that would be good to have on hand, and I'd really like it if they could arrive at the funeral in a clean car.

Oh, you thought that envelope was going to contain instructions for a funeral, or a list of things I'd like to bequeath to my children? Silly you. All that stuff will get done. I'm not worried about that. It's the stuff that won't get done if I'm not standing here that I'm worried about. And you know I'm right, too.

Don't you think it's kind of a slap in the face to have a big family dinner at my house when I clearly won't be able to pick up all the clutter that continually piles up in my kitchen area and toss it into the laundry room and/or shove it into the dishwasher?

I mean, not that it should matter. But it does to me.

I just want to be remembered for who I am, not for the fact that someone last night used all the dishtowels and shoved them back in the drawer while they were still wet instead of hanging them up, that's all.

25 comments:

Laura said...

Maybe they could hire a maid to clean before all the guests descend. They'll be too overcome with grief to work too hard! LOL--at least that'll be their excuse.

Tori :) said...

I've told Sei several times he'd be screwed if I died. He has NO clue how to pay the bills, buy the groceries, etc... Poor males.

Linda said...

The only thing that woulld be really sad would be that you wouldn't be there to enjoy all your friends. News flash we don't love you for your clean, uncluttered house.

Becky said...

I'm kind of glad that I'm not the only one who thinks about things like this, even if only in a humorous light...

LisAway said...

Funny morbid post. I love the quotation marks around your "reminding."

We do all sorts of "reminding" around here. And I mean all sorts.

Annette Lyon said...

I'm with Becky. I think of these kinds of weird, morbid things all the time.

Yvonne said...

Isn't it strange the things we think about!!! (Believe me I think about this QUITE A BIT. In fact, I've asked a couple of my friends to be sure and come over AS SOON as they hear I'm gone, so they can pick up the clutter I might not have gotten to that day, or week, or month ; )

mormonhermitmom said...

Wow. Never thought of it that way before. All I can think about is the stuff I'd have to dejunk if HE died. I can't face it.

Sarah said...

This made me laugh. Not the dying part, that would just suck, but the being worried part.
HeLLLLOOOOO, I promise that you'd have an army of friends descend on your house to clean up and make things perfect before the first guest stepped foot over the threshold. IF they did. I mean really, you think they'd stay at the house with grieving kids and a husband in pieces. Psh, no way. Silly girl.
I think about this stuff too though, but more often I tend toward what I would do if HE died. Sad, but I can't help it.

sue q said...

This is a sad thing to admit, but in recent years, I have sort of become the Ward Funeral Coordinator. Since my grandparents passed away eight and seven years ago, many people in the ward...stake, actually....have called me for advice. How to plan the service, what music we should sing, how do you feed two hundred people....it's a skill that has developed over time, and let's just say that when your time comes, I will gladly step up to the plate and help your dear family out.

Sheesh, just talking about it is morbid. Let's go put on a costume and run amok in the neighborhood, getting candy from strangers instead....

Lucy said...

Ooooooh I so hope my daughter is reading this. It'll save time someday.

Nancy Face said...

This is so me! I could have written this post if I happened to be as clever as you are...which I most definitely am NOT! :)

the MomBabe said...

What else would you leave instructions for? A casket's a casket. But there is an ART to the clean kitchen.

Jan said...

I am laughing. It is a known fact that my husband knows the first person to call when I die. My mother, no, my kids, no. It's Merri Maids. And I am serious. We have already talked about this. I am so laughing that you have thought the same things as I have. Who would want the Relief Society to come and see the undone laundry pile. Not me.

Miranda said...

I love your idea about the envelope in the fridge...hmmm...should think about that one.

You'd be surprised...I bet they'd step up and "do what Mom would want me to do" when they had to.

No Cool Story said...

AH GREAT.
Thanks. Now I have that to worry about too.

Lauren said...

If I died. Ted would be a gonner.

Heather of the EO said...

You just made my day, lady. Thanks bunches. This is so funny.

Now excuse me...I have to go make my "if I die" list and put it in a very special place. Like my husband's underwear drawer.

Mom said...

Wow, I've been thinking about dying too. Not about my not clean house, I've been reading the obit's every day and thinking how lucky these people are that they have escaped the ELECTION!! How great would that be!

NG said...

My mother used to create an envelope like that once a year or so and label it "To be read only in the event of my death." She'd show it to us and put it in the cedar chest only to get it out a year or so later, tear it into tiny pieces and create a different envelope. Looking back, I think I showed amazing restraint not getting it out and reading it when she wasn't home.

Vern said...

seems reasonable - I might have to get myself an envelope too

The Dillon 6 said...

I totally clean before we leave for a road trip...you know, just in case we don't make it back...

a wynn wynn situation said...

Okay- so I have these same morbid and neurotic thoughts. I can't go away for an afternoon without the house falling to pieces.

heather said...

You are so funny. You could just haunt your kids' dreams and tell 'em what to do. Although the envelope taped to the fridge might be the better idea.

Maraiya said...

When my mother passed away, she had plenty of time to plan her own funeral and everything. One of my SILs thought it was terribly morbid but I loved it. I loved knowing that we each had our part in the funeral but that the event we had planned was a gift for her and one she would have loved. Some of her sisters vowed to do the same (selecting speakers, songs, etc). I think it bears thinking.

But the dish towels - I think you may have to give that up. I for one know that this place would be a mess without me. DH is a good cleaner but he'd be sobbing to much to clean. ;)