Friday, December 12, 2008
If She Has A Blog, I'm Definitely the Topic Today
Last night I attended The Brain's office holiday party. It was a dinner at a nice restaurant for about 10 people and their significant others. I'll tell you right now, I usually dread these things. You know, I take my duties as a trophy wife pretty seriously, so there's a little bit of pressure.
And plus, I like meeting everyone, but then they start loading people up on free alcohol. I mean, nothing says Merry Christmas like a roomful of people with very large wine glasses, right?
For me the evening usually deteriorates about 30 minutes into the function, where everyone is holding their second or third refill, and they are just barely starting to bring out the appetizers. (Read: lots of alcohol + no food = people who are starting to think they're hilarious.)
But last night I was in rare form. I liked the way my hair looked (you know how important that is, right?) And I ordered a root beer, which I never do, so I don't know... maybe I was a little sugar buzzed, myself. But I was really holding my own. I found some interesting people to talk to, I was witty, fun, and people actually laughed at my jokes. (That's right - read: sugar + no food = I am hilarious.)
I even found the last person in America that didn't know about Twilight (book or movie) and talked to her a little bit about sharing the book with her 12 year old daughter who likes mythical creatures, but hates to read, AND HAS NEVER HEARD OF THE BOOK. ... Right, lady.
(I'm guessing she's going to get up this morning and tell her daughter about this fun new book for them to read together, and her daughter is going to roll her eyes and do one of those V8 conks on her head and say, "MOOOOM! I have been talking about that book for a year now, and I have seen the movie with my friends 5 times!! Look at me! Do you SEE the Mrs. Edward Cullen T-shirt I am wearing?")
The big snafu ... and you knew it was coming, right? ...came during dinner. I was seated across from a different woman who was about my age. And I know this because she has a 17 year old son that she talked about for a really loooong time. So she has to be somewhere around my age is all I'm saying. She's not like 22 or anything.
So I'm sitting across from this woman and the servers bring out a large bowl of broccoli spears to be served family style, and her husband takes the biggest helping of broccoli I have ever seen a grown person deposit on a plate, and just tore into it. Then he started saying how great the broccoli was. Over and over and over again. Best Broccoli EVER.
Hey, I'm up for some good broccoli, so I helped myself - along with everyone else on our end of the table. But the guy just kept talking about the broccoli.
I laughed and said to the woman, "I guess you don't cook a lot of broccoli at home."
I don't know, doesn't that sound innocent to you?
Because her face fell, and she said "Well, I don't cook anything. I can't really cook. I've only been married 3 weeks." And you guys she was completely serious. And she was a little offended and made a half hearted attempt to justify the face that she is over 40 and doesn't know how to cook broccoli.
And you'd think that could be the end of it, but then, THEN she started making fun of me for being old fashioned and assuming that women always cook. And furthermore she doesn't ever do any of the cooking because SHE works and doesn't get home till 6 pm. And she wouldn't let it go.
Ummm, OK. Apparently, not everyone is a happy drunk.
Was there anything I could have said to fix it that? Because I just sort of smiled and agreed that wow getting home at 6 is late for cooking dinner. And YEAH, especially after you actually WORK all day.... Oh my!
Whatever. My only defense against being blog fodder today, is that I can't imagine she has a blog. She was way too uptight for that.
But lady, if you're reading this, I'm betting you've got one heck of a hangover today. I really hope your head feels better soon. You know, sort of.