Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Reason #487 Why I Need a Maid

I wasn't in a super happy mood the day I filled the back of the van and headed to Goodwill. I remember muttering something about being the only one who ever cleaned anything without being forced, and I would be danged if I would clean stuff I didn't even care about for the rest of my life.

Cleaning Rage is never pretty.

In my own defense, I will say that I don't toss The Brain's clothes. Not even the stained t-shirts. Because they might be special. Nor do I sort through his many books, nor would I ever EVER throw away any of his CD's, DvD's, or anything like unto them.

And maybe I should have consulted him on the Malt Machine. Because it was his. But honestly, the thing cranked out malts with all the speed of a one armed car hop at Sonic, which would explain why it hadn't been out of the pantry for at least a couple of years.

And not that I do a lot of thinking when I'm under the influence of Cleaning Rage -- but if I had thought about it, I would have chalked it up in the category of "Who the Heck is Going to Notice Unused Appliances Missing From the Pantry?"

After several years of irregularly purging the house, I can tell you that there are only two things I've regretted or even remembered throwing out.

The first one is too awful to talk about. No, really.

The Malt Machine is number two. Not because we desperately need a Malt Machine, but because it was his, and his discovery that it was missing had a little more impact than I anticipated.

So I guess what I'm saying is that cleaning while "under the influence" is not all it's cracked up to be, and can be sorta hard on the marriage.

(Crack... under the influence... ha! I crack myself up.)

29 comments:

Heather said...

oh, you jacked his stuff and gave it away. you're a grinch today.

Shelby Lou said...

oh my that's a bit harsh.

hahahaha one armed car hop...

funny stuff.

Yvonne said...

You crack me up, too. ; )

I hide in the house when Allan goes through the garage and throws things out--I really don't want to know about the things I LOVE that I haven't used FOR YEARS that he's throwing away.

Barbaloot said...

I can't even clean "under the influence" cuz even though it's MY stuff I'd throw away I'd end up being upset that I got rid of anything. I'm too much of a pack rat.

Heather said...

Ummmmmm....... It was was joke, today's St. Pats. Come on people.

Cynthia said...

If only husband and wife could go an a cleaning rampage at the same time. Could that ever happen? (or do husbands ever go on a cleaning/purging rampage?)

Heather of the EO said...

My husband is a pack rat and I bring stuff to Goodwill without his knowledge frequently. Every once and awhile he notices and it ain't pretty. But he gets over it. Because it's JUST STUFF and cleaning it OUT feels GOOD :)

Sue said...

Good for you!!! Alan never hesitates to throw out anything of mine - but never his beloved junk. I find things missing periodically and I get so mad at him and for 35 years I've threatened to "clean out his workshop" like he cleans out my kitchen. Or my computer files (because they create so much clutter you know). But I'm too nice. I would love to trash those rusty bolts and junk and why can't I? I suppose I just don't like revenge. But I like thinking about it....

Melissa said...

Who knew that a malt machine could cause so much stress! I suppose you could buy another one... and then HE could be the one to get rid of it in a few years...

Annette Lyon said...

I learned that lesson after being married all of a couple of months. Not pretty. But lesson well-learned.

Vern said...

"Cleaning Rage" - Now I know what to call it! Maybe you could go back and get it? I'm sure the ex-cons at Goodwill sorting your donations would understand. They know aaaallll about relationships.

Tay said...

I always make brian go through his t-shirts every year in the spring and then I go through my shoes. Both are vast collections that take up too much space. I hold up each shirt, one by one, and if he's lost nostalgia for it and/or hasn't worn it all year, it's donated. Same with my shoes, except he holds them up pair by pair and I decide. Then we feel a little sad about it together and then we forget the item ever existed. It's fun. kinda.

Missy said...

OMG! I call it Cleaning Rage too! And, you're right! It is not pretty! My DH says he pisses me off just to get the house clean! We are a very functional family! LOL

the MomBabe said...

How dare you not live with crap. humph. the very idea of a clean house. HA.

Loralee and the gang... said...

I remember the time I threatened my teenaged daughter that if she didn't pick up her clothes, I was going to bag them up and throw them out.
Bag them up I did, but I stuffed them away in MY closet (grrrr). Gues what? She NEVER EVEN NOTICED! They must have been her castoffs...Hence the floor location...
:~D

Loralee and the gang... said...

By the way, I GOTTA know what the first thing was! I won't sleep at night until you tell!
:~D

goddessdivine said...

Just stop by Goodwill in a few days and buy it back. I'm sure it will still be sitting there on the shelf. (I mean, if I saw it I'd be like: What the heck is this?)

JustRandi said...

You guys, I actually donated that thing over a year ago. It was just last night that he noticed.

Dave said...

i'm a total pack rat

when i throw something away a little piece of me dies.

unless i never notice it.

LisAway said...

Really? A malt machine? I didn't know people had those. But now I want to get one. I'll go check the Goodwill.

Jen said...

Next time you experience "cleaning rage" just come to my house. I'll give you free reign to throw away anything that isn't mine.

Alison Wonderland said...

But if I don't do it while in a cleaning rage, when the heck am I going to do it?

Two Princess Girls said...

Hilarious! You crack me up!

mormonhermitmom said...

He didn't notice until a YEAR later? No guilt girl, if it took him that long.

That Girl in Brazil said...

I'm not allowed to throw away ANYTHING that my husband has touched.

It's done wonders for our marriage.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Ah nuts! Sorry about that. My sister's husband was going through a garage cleaning rage thing and accidentally took a photo album to the dump. They now have no photos of their oldest from ages 10-14. Not one.

Amy Peterson said...

I have the opposite problem in my marriage-- my husband is all about donating and throwing! The one thing I cant get him to throw is his dirty work jeans like 4 pair, and "accidently" he wears them in public sometimes! UGGG!!!

Lee said...

I was going to ask how he figured out it was gone if he hadn't used it in years, and then I saw you say you tossed it a YEAR ago and he JUST found it gone. How can he be upset?

I guess that's the difference in our husbands. Mine lets me have dominion of all things toss-able. (well, maybe not computer stuff) Oh, and socks. I can only toss socks if I've replaced them already. Guess that makes sense.

Brenda Susan said...

It took him a YEAR to notice & he still got mad?? Wow, that IS scarey! I learned this lesson also & it is just as hard to be on the other side of this thing.