Monday, August 24, 2009

First Days and Kisses

My kids went back to school today, and as usual, I sat and sobbed after they left. This year, of course, I didn't get to walk them to the door of the school, holding their hands, reminding them to listen to the teacher - who will tell them the right things, and whispering to them that when it's over, Mommy will be right here.

I also didn't kiss their little palms, and then curl their fingers around that kiss, reminding them that now they had an extra one, if they needed it.

This year I kissed them goodbye at the door of our house, and then followed them to the car - so I could wave, and throw a couple of kisses. Because you know, nothing says "cool" like your mom standing in the driveway throwing kisses.

And this year, the tears started rolling down my face as their car pulled out of the driveway.

You already know I'm not really a crier. So why does this day trigger such a strong emotion from me?

I think it's just that it's a marker day in life. The one where every single year you take the same picture, and you remember last year, and the year before that. I watch my kids grow up before my very eyes on this one day every year. And it's magical, painful, and truly amazing.

So this morning, as the car pulled out of the driveway, I wondered if they knew that my heart was kissing their hands, and reminding them to listen to the spirit- who will tell then the right things, and whispering that when they were done, mommy would be right here.

And then, as they drove away, both of my girls--both of my teenage girls-- broke their wall of "coolness" to throw me some kisses, so I would have extras if I needed them today.

I wonder if they realized how much I really do.

38 comments:

Dave said...

i bet they do :-)

Becky said...

Beautifully written.

My firstborn starts kindergarten today and I'm such a mess inside that I couldn't even write a nice post. I went with the sarcastic I'm-so-tough-I-can-laugh-about-this post instead. I'm hoping it staves off the tears...

The Mom said...

My firstborn started high school today and I cried as he left the house. My secondborn started junior high and I cried too. The the thirdborn had to get sick and now I don't have an empty house!

Barbaloot said...

My niece starts kindergarten this week, and my mom is having a hard time with it. She started telling her about my first day of school...I guess she's reliving that day through my neice now:)

Janell said...

Beautifully written :)

Jana said...

We are empty nesters this year. I am seriously considering running over to my daughter's house next Monday morning on her first day of school teaching 1st grade to take her picture on her front porch. I miss those pictures of my babies standing together so excited for that first day of school!

Emmy said...

Glad they threw you kisses to.. it is hard. They change and grow up too quickly.

mormonhermitmom said...

Stop it! I'm blubbering!

Kristina P. said...

I'm certain they remember everything you say.

Chief said...

How wonderful, what a payday! My kids flip me the bird (lovingly of course)

Cherie said...

The first day of school is always such a hard milestone every year. It is just a definate marker that your kids are growing up. I think the day is actually attached to the tear ducts for all mothers.

I am sure your girls will never forget the kisses you throw them on this day!

Heather said...

This makes me want to cry. Next week might be kind of rough.

Stacey said...

You're making me tear up. :( I'm so glad they threw you some kisses. *HUGS*

The Miller Family said...

Even if I wasn't 33 weeks pregnant, I'm pretty sure I'd still have tears rolling down my cheeks after reading this beautiful post!

My oldest will be 3 in September...and I'm already dreading the first day of school. Boo.

Sweet of them to throw you some kisses too!

Robbi and Emily 4-ever said...

Thank you for the compliment! I think he is pretty stinkin' cute too! I love your blog, I feel so motivated after I read it! My sister married Paul Wilson. He is from the area in Colorado that I think you might be from. His parents are Chris and Leon Wilson. Do you know them?

Paul said...

Very nicely written, Randi.

Kevin said...

"Leaving home ain't easy
On the one your leaving home"

But in the afternoon they will return home to the smell of fresh baked cookies and talk about the first day of school!

Bloggin Betty said...

How sweet! I hope my little guy will still blow me kisses when he is a teenager :) BTW, I am now stalking your blog, after finding you through Chief.

Tammy Beck said...

You're making me cry! Some days it seems overwhelming taking care of my five kids. I need to remember that they are growing up quickly and that these moments (as crazy as they sometimes are) won't last forever.

REbecca is Thrilled by the Thought said...

What sweet girls. And what a sweet mom you are.

Yvonne said...

Oh, please--DON'T GET ME STARTED. I've tried to be composed but this post got to me.

BTW, I'm sure they know ; )

Dave said...

just re-read this over nat's shoulder.

"Because you know, nothing says "cool" like your mom standing in the driveway throwing kisses."

in a housecoat and curlers? cause that is the epitome of coolness :-)

Brenda Susan said...

The only problem with the "first day of school porch pics" is that each year the smiles slowly turn into painful grimaces! At least in my photo basket they do.

JustRandi said...

@kevin - My heart does a little extra pitter pat for you when you work a Queen reference into a comment!

@dave Naaa. I save that look for the grocery store.

Melissa said...

Darn you! My baby starts kindergarten next week and I'm soooo not ready for this milestone. This post is so sweet... but you totally made me cry :)

Loralee and the gang... said...

That's so sweet! I WISH I could relate to it more, but this year I am sending off a kindergartener, youngest of 7, the same thing I did with my first son 20 YEARS ago! I am SO ready to have them all in school!
:~D

Jennifer said...

You capture my thoughts exactly and write them beautifully. I have had a love/hate relationship with the first day of school since my fist kid went to kindergarten.

What sweet nice kids you have to blow the kisses back to you too.

I am glad you all survived the 1st day!!

beckers said...

Wow. Very well said!! The first day of school is bittersweet. On one hand, I love the routine that school and fall bring, but on the other hand I wish we could just all stay home and play games!!

i said...

sniff sniff. touched...hoping my kids stay young longer than usual. :)

Julie Ramsay said...

My eyes are teared up and I'm NOT a crier!!!

Nancy Face said...

I love how you described kissing their little palms, then curling their fingers around the kiss to save it for later...that is so precious! I wish I'd thought to do that when my kids were little! :)

Celeste said...

You have such sweet girls, glad they showed you a little extra love. I am already dreading that day for my little guy.

goddessdivine said...

Ah, I wish I had little ones to send off to school.

Hey, maybe next year you could be uber cool and drive them to school, giving them hugs and kisses in the parking lot.

The Pollocks! said...

What is it about the dang first day? At least I still have a lot of "distractions" at home with me - I still stay busy! =)

Miranda said...

My firstborn started 6th grade today. Your post reminded me of all those feelings just a couple of hours ago...I cried...AGAIN.

Gigi said...

You're such a good mom! That is so sweet, the curling their fingers around the kisses. Awwww.

My poor kids. I just kick them in the butt and tell them to get going and I don't want to hear from them until I pick them up at 3. kidding.

I didn't even take a picture this year. Did I take one last year? Oh well.

Gigi said...

You're such a good mom! That is so sweet, the curling their fingers around the kisses. Awwww.

My poor kids. I just kick them in the butt and tell them to get going and I don't want to hear from them until I pick them up at 3. kidding.

I didn't even take a picture this year. Did I take one last year? Oh well.

rocslinger said...

Now I fully realise that the relationship with a father is different than with moms but it still doesn't seem right that I have to sneak up on my daughter just to kiss her on the forehead.