My kids went back to school today, and as usual, I sat and sobbed after they left. This year, of course, I didn't get to walk them to the door of the school, holding their hands, reminding them to listen to the teacher - who will tell them the right things, and whispering to them that when it's over, Mommy will be right here.
I also didn't kiss their little palms, and then curl their fingers around that kiss, reminding them that now they had an extra one, if they needed it.
This year I kissed them goodbye at the door of our house, and then followed them to the car - so I could wave, and throw a couple of kisses. Because you know, nothing says "cool" like your mom standing in the driveway throwing kisses.
And this year, the tears started rolling down my face as their car pulled out of the driveway.
You already know I'm not really a crier. So why does this day trigger such a strong emotion from me?
I think it's just that it's a marker day in life. The one where every single year you take the same picture, and you remember last year, and the year before that. I watch my kids grow up before my very eyes on this one day every year. And it's magical, painful, and truly amazing.
So this morning, as the car pulled out of the driveway, I wondered if they knew that my heart was kissing their hands, and reminding them to listen to the spirit- who will tell then the right things, and whispering that when they were done, mommy would be right here.
And then, as they drove away, both of my girls--both of my teenage girls-- broke their wall of "coolness" to throw me some kisses, so I would have extras if I needed them today.
I wonder if they realized how much I really do.