Monday, March 1, 2010

Apparently I'm Dead Inside

Yesterday I was asked to share a personal story as part of the Relief Society lesson.  The teacher had asked 5 or 6 women to share stories about their experiences with teaching and teachers.

So guess who's the only one that didn't cry during her sharing part.  The last sharer even pointed out that everyone had cried except me.  Not in a bad way or anything -- she was just making a joke.

OK - for reals- when you're sitting in a class like that, and the spirit is really strong, and everyone else who speaks is crying, do you think less of the person who doesn't cry?  Do you wonder if they just take things more lightly than everyone else?  Maybe they're not as spiritual?

I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me.

I guess I could carry some onions in my purse for moments when I felt like tears would really emphasize my point.... but that would present another whole set of problems, wouldn't it?


ON ANOTHER NOTE

In Sacrament meeting, one of the youth speakers got there without his talk printed out, and couldn't get it to print in the clerk's office, so about 2 minutes before his talk was supposed to happen, I saw him come in and  tell his mom (one row over) that it was a no-go.  I motioned for him to come over to our bench,  pulled out my netbook, and connected to the wireless network so he could find his talk online.  He took the entire thing up to the podium and read the talk right off the screen.  It. Was. Awesome.

Maybe I CAN be trusted with the youth and computers after all.

44 comments:

Brenda Susan said...

First off: Not crying in public is an asset, not a negative! As a listener how do you feel when you are watching someone cry? Not comfortable, right?
Being able to communicate without "losing it" is a wonderful thing that those criers wish they had!

Secondly: Yay for technology right?? Yay for you!

Melia said...

Randi, you are AWESOME!!

You are prepared and saved the day. Also, there are many women who don't cry whenever the spirit is strong. It simply isn't their way. I am a cryer and envy the non cryers sometimes. I become a blubbering idiot during lessons or testimony and I think that it distracts more than one who doesn't cry.

The Mom said...

It doesn't bother me when people don't cry. Everyone expresses their emotions differently. I express them my leaking black stripes down my cheeks. I really need to get some waterproof mascara!

Linda said...

Who says technology does not have it's place in church? That is awesome. He probably sat and watched youtube through the rest of sacrament! I WISHED I did not cry. I get that snot running down my face, can't understand me cry. It is not pretty.

goddessdivine said...

Um, you're awesome. I'm sure you're that kid's new hero!

Ok. I NEVER cry in public. My sister and I have a pact: If you start to cry, you close your testimony and sit down. So, if you're dead inside, I have a hollow tin chest.....because I have NEVER cried during a talk or testimony. It's really just not in my nature. And honestly? I'm usually bugged when women start blubbering. A little emotion and a few tears are one thing; but the waterworks? I just roll my eyes.

I have more respect for you for NOT crying. You should have said something back like, "I just didn't want to look like an idiot."

Kristina P. said...

Come over to my blog! I had a Snuggie warm up my cold, dead heart. I can happen to you too.

Janell said...

Yes, the spirit can speak through emotion. However, the absence of visible emotion is not the absence of the spirit.

I'm a creature of logic. An appeal to ration will always win more consideration from me than an appeal to emotion.

Mallory said...

There is actually a section in Preach My Gospel that says that tears and strong emotions do not always mean that the Spirit is there. And vice versa, of course. I just read it last night! I'm not a crier, either. Unless I'm watching Little Women. Or my pregnancy hormones turn me into a water fountain just because I had to change the toddler's poopy diaper. -Definitely not a spiritual experience!-

Dave said...

start telling people that when you get too emotional, you throw up.

then, next time you are telling a personal story, start heaving a little bit, and gag a few times.

result?

never have to talk in church again :-)

Emmy said...

You saved the day! :)

And not sure what to tell you as I am a crier myself.. espeically now that I am pregnant.. darn hormones

Dave said...

it's really funny how the font on my computer makes "darn" look like "dam"

:-)

Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

As a self-admitted bawl baby, I would love to be able to not cry in public! If I even see someone else with tears, I lose it. It's embarrassing. So no, not crying in public is a GOOD THING in my book!

And kudos for coming to the rescue!

Barbaloot said...

Love that you helped that kid out---nice work:)

And I definitely judge people big time if I'm crying and they're not. People like that probly don't even have a testimony. (Serious sarcasm throughout that statement.)

That Girl said...

My husband is the most spiritual person I know, and I've known him to cry three times in the ten years I've known him.

It's okay.

Becky N. said...

The #1 reason I cry at church is because I am dead afraid of talking in front of groups. Well, not just talking. Even more so, I'm afraid of sharing anything important to me in front of groups. Makes me feel vulnerable. So if you ever see me crying, just assume that I'm a weak coward. Not so much tender-hearted. ;)

I'm INCREDIBLY impressed that you're able to access the wi-fi from your chapel. Every building I've been in, the wi-fi only reaches as far as a few rooms surrounding the source. Never, ever the chapel. Which made me incredibly frustrated when I wanted to share some content from lds.org during a Relief Society lesson. It wasn't available any other way but streaming. Grrr.

Heather said...

Really, the tears don't matter. Like everyone seems to be saying the presence of tears doesn't = spirituality (I'm just sayin if it did I would have been translated a while back).

Maybe I should take a net book to the podium and read one of your posts for my next talk! That would rock!

jennie w. said...

I'm not a cryer. I don't feel bad about it because how often do the general authorites cry? Hardly ever. But nobody insinuates that they aren't spiritual enough.

Lucy said...

I've seen too many women who can't greet the morning with you without them crying. Pick a subject? They will cry. I find it very uncomfortable. I just never know how far to take their ... emotion. Oh well.

Amy R. Nelson said...

As a member of my YW presidency I have often given group lessons where I am the only one who doesn't cry. I really hope that it is not a sign of inferior spirituality.

I like the comment above where they remind us that general authorities rarely cry.

Vern said...

So...last week I was doing some RS visits and I sat across from a woman who works in Primary and I asked her how her calling was going. She said, "Oh, I LOVE Primary! I'm so glad I don't have to go to Relief Society - it's just a bunch of women sitting around crying and talking about trials. It's so depressing." I was like, "Uhhh...I'm right here."

Annette Lyon said...

I remember watching a movie with friends who were all bawling their eyes out, trying SO HARD to squeeze out a tear because I knew I looked like I had a rock for a heart if I didn't cry. Couldn't do it.

And you totally rock the computer house.

mindyluwho said...

We all feel the spirit differently and one way is not any better than another. What is wrong is making someone feel inferior for being one way or another.

Way to go on getting the talk! You are now the resident ward hero in the eyes of all the youth I am sure!

mormonhermitmom said...

Here she comes to save the DAAAAAY!
Way to save a kid's behind, public-speaking-wise of course.

I don't care if someone cries or doesn't. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I'd rather not blubber during a talk but sometimes it happens. I had a Bishop tell my sunday school class to never be ashamed of your tears. He was a big man. Literally. He never choked but if it happened to him, his eyes would leak. I respected him for that.

Mrs. Organic said...

It's only these past few years I've been able to manage not crying when sharing something spiritual. I admire those who can do it.

Mrs. Organic said...

It's only these past few years I've been able to manage not crying when sharing something spiritual. I admire those who can do it.

Melissa Bastow said...

Yeah, I'm dead inside too. In my opinion they go through way too many tissues in RS.

That is awesome about the talk though. That should earn you some "alive" points right there.

RhondaLue said...

You can guess if I'm a crier or not by this scenario that played out recently at my house:

TV was on some great show the whole fam was watching. Commercial begins about some poor starving african kids with malnutrition bellies and flies swarming around their fatigued eyes. Everyone in the fam is staring in compassion and sadness. I walk into the room and ask why the heck we aren't fast forwarding the commercials. Yay. I am dead inside too. At least that's what the kids tell me.

Amy Peterson said...

It must the the Trek that is killing you! I know it's killing me!!!! HUGS!! Keep going- this to shall pass!

rocslinger said...

I have never cried when giving a talk and only a few times while listening to someone elses talk but put on a Disney movie and I'm sobbing like a baby. It's tough being male and over forty.

beckers said...

I know, I totally don't tear up when I'm teaching or testimony-ing! What's up with that? I'm glad though. Otherwise I'd have the worry about mascara dripping down my cheeks.

You.Are.Awesome. with the netbook. I hope he gave you credit from the podium. :)

Dave said...

to truly test if you are "dead inside," watch Armageddon. If you don't cry at least twice in that movie, I'll suspect you are a zombie or a vampire.

Melissa said...

As I was reading about the youth and his talk I thought, "Gosh, I would have pulled it up on my phone..." :) So, I guess great minds think alike!
And as for the crying... there are some people who, um, overdo it a bit. You know they are going to cry every time they talk about the church. They could be talking about the snotty nosed kids in nursery and the tears will threaten. I don't think it means you're dead inside. I think it means that you don't feel the spirit in your tear ducts and that's not a bad thing :)

Yvonne said...

I think each of us feels things differently at different times. I also do not think tears equal spirituality or even feeling the Spirit.

Great job with your netbook--I'm sure you are that young man's hero.

jjstringham said...

Am I the only one that thinks that you probably ruined the kids day instead of saving it? If I were the youth I probably would've thought "YES! I totally just got out of giving a talk in sacrament meeting!" And then you would've ruined it all.

Oh, and I rarely cry too. I rarely even cry at funerals. So at least you're not alone in being dead inside.

JustRandi said...

LOL JJ

He acted grateful...
but I couldn't help but wonder the SAME THING.

:)

Loralee and the gang... said...

I was at the store looking at those netbooks today. Really cool. Even better after your story.
So this Sunday when my son gave his returned-home-from-mission talk, I only barely teared up. So what's wrong with Me? I did get to cheat a little bit, though. When he reported to the High Council a week after he got home, I got plenty of my tears out then...
I think you can feel the spirit without actually crying. . .
Oh, and "Dave" Always makes me laugh-

Kim said...

I really loved this post - giggled out loud, actually.... and I agree with a lot of the responses.
I have spoken under both circumstances - where I have cried and lost composure and where I was the most stoic speaker of the group. I do NOT think less of someone who does not cry when everyone else has at ALL. Sometimes it just depends on the day, you know?
I also think you can sometimes if not most times be a more effective speaker if you are able to maintain composure and get your point across. I don't think of emotional reaction as necessarily equivalent to the feeling the speaker has about what they are presenting. Does that make sense?

Anyway - I'm pretty new to your blog, but just adore your refreshing honesty. :)

Thank you!

Kim

East of Eden said...

Crying does not equate to spirituality. I acutally hate it when I cry, and I really hate it when others cry. I am working on not crying...so Randi, your story would have been my favorite. :)

Paul said...

I don't care about the crying. The laptop thing is AWESOME! That's the kind of thing I would be reliving in my head for weeks afterward! "Remember that time when I TOTALLY SAVED THE DAY! OUT OF NOWHERE! I WAS A FREAKIN' HERO!" That was awesome!

Good job!

Afterwards, I would have been singing from Napoleon Dynamite ALL. DAY. LONG.

"I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever."

Millie said...

Both stories: You're my hero.

Crying makes a few people uncomfortable. My Miss Bluebell (age 13) has a hard time in her Beehive class during Fast Sundays, when she's not only the only one with her snot under control, but has to sit there with a bunch of girls and teachers who aren't. It's weird for her. I don't like listening to someone cry through something over the pulpit. I mean, there's pausing, there's voice-cracking, there's a couple of tears dabbed with a Kleenex, and then there's voice-completely-unrecognizable-only-dogs-can-hear-you-now. That's hard to listen to.

The netbook story is about the coolest thing I've ever heard.

Gramzer said...

You are the best. Totally in awe of your tech abilities. That crying thing could be in your genes. It's a good thing.

Tammy said...

I REALLY wish I didn't cry so easily!!! Yes, that is one of the reasons why I don't wear eye makeup to church. Ha ha! It in no way reflects your spirituality. I always love hearing you talk Randi. Wish I could have been there!

Jennifer said...

I agree that there is definitely good in NOT crying all the time.
Perhaps you get to say what you are thinking instead of confusing everyone with sobs. (Did she just say she knows the prophet Alma drew?)
I remember once trying to say something with authority and thinking that if I didn't stop crying no one would have any idea about what I was saying.
(And I was sure someone would be offended. :))

I always want the speaker to talk from their heart and be true to themselves. It think if you stick with that you can't go wrong.

Stephanette said...

I'm just going to say that you ARE my hero - or heroine, but I always think of the drug when I write that. I don't have to decipher through the blubbering AND you have a net book. That's it - I'm moving to CO!