Thursday, September 30, 2010

Some People Should Just Be Banned From Texting

 Reasons why I should not be allowed to text:

1) I'm just slow.
 In the beginning of my texting career, I would get a text from one of my children,  and then while trying to respond, I would get another text asking if I was there.  And then another asking if I was going to respond.  But, you know, to see what the new messages were, I would have to exit the message I was working on, and then re-find it again, thus doubling or tripling my already lagging response time.

I soon figured out that it was faster just to start another text.

(I'm pretty sure my extensive draft folder is most of the reason my phone has the response time of a retail cashier on Dec 23rd.)

I knew I'd really taken a looong lonnng time (in teen years) if I ever got the phone call.  Seriously, my kids would rather bite off their own fingers than call me in front of their friends.
"MOM WHERE ARE YOU!?" - urgently whispered into the receiver means I have been incredibly slow, and they needed to know if they could get permission for the whatever thing within a reasonable 27 seconds or so after they sent the text.

2) Apparently, I don't know when I'm insulting people.
See, to try to improve my response time, I changed my tactic to the One Word Answer.  Here's a little tip for you. The One Word Answer,in some texting circles, is thought of as the highest of insults .

"Your mom said "YES"?  Wow.  That's cold, man."

3) My word predictor is insane and does NOT predict words that actual people would use in a sentence. On the up side though,  I think I have finally trained it to predict the word "quesadilla" instead of "question" when I type "ques".  In case you were wondering, I did that by adding the word quesadilla to the end of every text I sent over about 3 weeks time.

4) My keyboard is so tiny, that even if I DO mostly get the words right, I rarely get all the spaces.  For some reason, I am much more likely to get a . (period) or no space at all, thus making the word predictor even crazier than usual.

5) I have completely given up on using punctuation on purpose.  It takes too long to access an apostrophe, anyway.  Remember - - we're on a timer here, and   youre gong toknow what im sying anyway.  Punctuation that happens on accident is just a bonus.

* this one drives Mimi crazy enough that she will actually text back corrections.

6) And finally, I never really look at what I've texted until it is in "send" mode, at which point it is too late to call it back.  Fortunately, most people are willing to interpret my texts - sort of  like a first grade teacher reads her students papers.  For example,  I sent this one recently -

"Hey! if there areatill plums on the free you should bring some.ome"

Which obviously was supposed to be
"Hey! If there are still plums on the tree, you should bring some home!"

Here's how my family would handle that text:

The Brain would probably not see it because he keeps his phone on silent.
Mimi would text back corrections.
Brandon would text back "if there areatill plums on the free, I'm etng tem."
Lizzie would txt back "lol...  I don't get it."
Hannah actually brought plums home.

So if my name ever pops up in your inbox, it's not that I'm trying to be insulting or cryptic, you've just got to remember that the emphasis is on speed, not accuracy.  I know that you'll eventually figure it out, or just ignore it and frankly, I've decided to be ok with either one.



Celeste said...

That's great- I especially love the part where you used Quesadilla for 3 weeks. And the one word text being an insult is so true! Whenver I get one from Justin I always think he's upset when in reality it was a speed issue. =)

Barbaloot said...

The plums text and responses are brilliant. I wouldn't text you back corrections---but I'd probly think them in my head:)

I've sent texts before that say, "Do you hate any idea for FHE?" because 'hate' comes up in my phone before 'have' which I think is so stupid. I use have WAY more often.

RH (aka Lucy) said...

I could not agree with you on everything you said any more if I tried and got paid. I am just a beginner in this text world. I'm always behind a lot in techy world. But when I get asked a question and I'm texting back andittakesmeaverylonglongtimetogetthosewordsout.....I don't appreciate it when somebody bumps me off asking me if I'm going to answer the d*** thing.

Really hurts my brain. And my patience level.

jjstringham said...

And this is why I don't text.

You are more technologically advanced than this 20-something-year-old.

I hope I have just made your day. :)


Dave said...


Norma said...

this is a classic post...the only thing worse then sending a one word answer is receiving one. especially when you have to scroll back thru your messages to remember what you asked!

happy texting quesadilla!

Vern said...

First, I think I like Mimi even more now. 2nd, your quesadilla ending was genius and I'm thrilled to know there are still ways for me to be increasingly impressed with you.

Salt H2O said...

Can I add to this list the various injuries that occur because of trying to multi-task with texting?

Fell down stairs two days ago- while texting. Luckily my face broke my fall.

Katie said...

I'm terribly at texting spelling and punctuation, especially with my old phone. It was touch screen and the period was right next to the space. My family and friends always had fun pulling up my old texts and reading them out loud to see if anyone could decipher them..hahah.

And one word texts are so rude! Just kidding. I trained my boyfriend so instead of one word texts, he responds with "yes. You are the most wonderful person ever!" haha

Heather said...

I just want to bombard you with texts now...

mormonhermitmom said...

:) I don't text unless someone texts (how do you say that?) me first. And I don't allow my kids to have cell phones so they can't do it to me.

Cruel and unusual punishment? Yes.

Jennifer said...

Hang in there. You'll get faster or the kids will grow up and figure it is faster to call. :) Either way a win-win.

I have one friend that hits any single letter in a reply and I count it as okay. (k, t, l, s whichever it all means the same between us) :)

LisAway said...

I just love you.

And this is really funny because I have been planning to write a post about txtese and how people use it on facebook and how I don't really like it (and mostly about how I like my messages to sound like I mean them to). I started trying to write it in txtese and realized I have no idea how to do that. So if I write it in English could I pay you to type it up on your phone for me so it comes out in txtese (I'll give you a time limit) and I can post that translation on my blog? :)

happy mommy said...

I think there was some kind of new directive from SLC about how you can't be called into leadership with the youth anymore unless you between that and my teenagers, I have been forced to find my way.

I'm the obnoxious texter who uses proper spelling and punctuation...but I have only achieved that by insisting that my husband buy me a QWERTY keyboard phone. I told him that the Prophet wanted me to have it...he's SUCH a sucker.

goddessdivine said...

I can sooo relate.....well, until I got my Blackberry several weeks ago. I was the world's slowest texter--a) because I'm OCD about correct grammar and punctuation (and would usually go through the painful process of trying to find the apostrophe!), and 2) typing a message with like 10 keys that all share letters is just too hard! Yeah, I got frustrated with myself; so I didn't text very much.

But now I have a lovely Blackberry and I have a full keyboard....with an alt key to do symbols and stuff! It's awesome. I'm so much better at the texting thing.

Tenae said...

Love this post. It made me giggle. Alot.
And thanks for the comment on my blog! It totally made my day to have my FAVORITE BLOGGER OF ALL TIME comment on my post. :)
You are awesome and so are quesadillas.

Yvonne said...

Love it. Elder Rob's texts were short and sweet. His answer to most things was "K"

My phone is usually always on silent.

Stacey said...

I am ALL about texting. Most of the time I can't hear anyone on the phone. As soon as I get a call or try to make a call,my kids' radar goes off and they suddenly need my attention.

Oh and I want a quesadilla now. So,thanks.

rocslinger said...

Anyone over forty should be given an exemption from texting. Please!

Amy Peterson said...

I REALLY NEEDED a good laugh!! Perfect! Just so you know, I would bring you plums if there were any on the free!

*Joanna* said...

Hahahah! That is So funny! I think that u are a great txter! lol

Chess said...

Super funny!

Tammy said...

You'll be happy to know that you are much more skilled at texting than I am. I don't text and after reading your post, I'm thinking that's a good thing. :) I have a lot to learn about being the mother of a teenager. Thanks for teaching me.

Jillybean said...

I don't text.

However, I don't know how many emails I sent from my ipod touch before I discovered that when I signed my name it was changing it from Jill to Kill.

One of my friends said she thought that I was just really angry.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I just barely got my first text package, so that practically makes me ancient before I even begin. And I'm even slower than you because I actually go backwards and correct all my errors before I push send, which means I basically retype the text 5 times before it's all over. I should have just called.

Heather of the EO said...

I LOVE this. So true of me too. Texting is HARD! :)

Super Happy Girl said...


T9 is my friend and it should be your friend too, it revolutionized the way I text.

That said this came from my daughter one more than one occasion: "lol what the heck bro!"

Yeah, bro.