Thursday, June 14, 2007

Behind Closed Doors

What do teen girls do that takes SO long in the bathroom? The universal question! You'd think I'd know. I mean, I WAS a teen-aged girl once, right? But here's the situation – 3 teens, 2 bathrooms, and we always seem to have a traffic jam. Why?? Apparently I'm not allowed to ask. ( Like I don't have security clearance or something?) But I have been collecting clues.

Here's what I know:

  1. The water in the shower runs for very long periods of time. There is enough steam that we should be able to steam clean the carpets in a five foot range of the bathroom door. (Note to self: buy steam cleaning solution.)
  2. Large quantities of toiletry products keep appearing on my Costco list. Seriously – How many weeks in a row can we possibly need to buy a COSTCO sized shampoo and conditioner? Razor blade refills? Body wash? Washcloths? (I swear one day I'm going to find the secret hole in the bathroom wall where all the washcloths are being stashed.)
  3. There seems to be an ongoing dispute about who owns which hair appliance and in which bathroom it belongs. It usually goes something like this:

    Knock, Knock, Knock

    "Darling sister, have you be chance seen my flat iron? It seems to be missing from my bathroom."

    "Why yes, I borrowed it while you were out making dinner at the orphanage. I knew you wouldn't mind"

    "Splendid! Thank-you for taking such good care of my property, and returning it in a timely fashion."

Or something close to that. Anyway...

4. We also go through a LOT of hairspray. 3 teen girls, plus 1 mom equals enough hairspray in a week to pretty much crazy glue a man's hard hat to an iron bar. (or whatever that commercial is)

5) When I go into the bathrooms there is NEVER any toilet paper. Not on the roll, nor under the sink. How long have we been living like this? And what the heck? I wonder if it has anything to do with this post from a few days ago.

So, like you, I have reached the only possible conclusion. That's right, as near as I can tell, we are using enough the time and enough supplies to build our own Space Shuttle! I'm naming it the Adolescent.

And THAT's where those washcloths are going! We need towels for the spa room on the Adolescent. (Hey, if it's designed by teen girls there WILL be a spa room!)

And the poor grades we have been seeing in math and science? Obviously a decoy maneuver - you know, purposely trying to throw everyone off.

Somebody Beam me up.


Heather said...

I can't wait till people start putting things on my list- that might drive me insane!

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi randi: i can relate girl. my 16 y/o daughter ~A thinks she needs 3 hours to get ready. it is totally crazy too long.

hey, maybe your missing washclothes are being used to fortify the outer panels of "the adolescent" -- to allow for perfect re-entry back into the atmosphere! ha

cute post, especially the super civilized conversation, and loved how you threw in the orphanage to pull at my heartstrings.

~smiles, kathleen :)

miggy said...

that was hilarious.

Hope4Hannah said...

Crap!!! Mom discovered our plan!! Well....On the bright side now we can ask you to buy those space suits we have been trying to smuggle into the house for the past couple of weeks.....