Monday, August 20, 2007

Every Woman Should Know How To....

These types of lists have always sort of alternated between annoying and amusing me. I'm not so much fascinated by whether or not I can do all the things on the list, as much as I'm interested in who makes up the list? And what is that person's lifestyle? In who's world are these the most important 10 things for a woman to be able to do?
Here's the list according to Cosmo:

Grab a Bartender's Attention OK. See I don't go to a lot of bars. But if I did, I would imagine I would be there with a date, and thus I would have no need to grab the bartender's attention myself.
Use a Public Restroom Hey, not only can I use a public restroom, but all three of my daughters can use a public restroom and NOT DIRECTLY TOUCH ANYTHING. All four of us can come out of there with hands clean enough to do open heart surgery!
Fake Wearing Make-up Well, those of us who weren't allowed to start wearing makeup when we were 4 or whatever, mastered the art of pinching our cheeks and biting our lips and Vaseline on the eyelashes very early in life.
Fit Everything in Your Handbag I guess I've never really understood the "carry everything" theory. My purse is small and I like it that way.
Make a Great Omelet Every Single Time Darn right.
Set a Mental Alarm Clock I can TOTALLY do that!
Talk and Eavesdrop at the Same Time Do you know a woman who can't? Of course, how much you actually hear depends on how cooperative the person you're talking to is...
Freshen Your Breath Without a toothbrush People at Cosmo have never heard of a mint?
Upgrade a Flight or Hotel Room I have no idea. You don't just ask?
Fix a Broken Heel I say just take off your shoes.

Thank-you, Cosmo Magazine.

I think if I had written that list, it would look more like this:

Every REAL Woman Should Know How To:
Grab Enough Snacks for a Full Day of Soccer Games and Swim Meets
Use a Public Restroom While Carrying a Toddler.
a Sunday School Lesson When The Regular Teacher Doesn't Show Up
Fit Everything in a 15 Minute Parent/Teacher Conference
Make Dinner in 20 Minutes with 4 ingredients
Set and Stick to A Curfew
Talk a New Driver Through Her First Parking Job
Freshen Smelly Shoes That Have Been Through Every Puddle between Your House and The School . Everyday.
Upgrade the Family's Nutrition Without Telling Anyone They're Eating More Veggies
Fix a Dryer Load of Clothes tumbled with Melted Crayons

Now THAT'S a list for my world.


kristen said...

I like your list better, although there are many things on BOTH lists I can't do.

Making my way in PA said...

Booo. I can't reply to your comment on my posts!

But I am so excited that someone else loved Jodi Piccoult's book. I am going home snuggling up and reading the rest tonite.

And as for the freshen your breath without a toothbrush, have they never heard of the scrubing your tongue and teeth with a towel of sorts? Wait, was that just way too gross to say?

Morning Glory said...

Your list makes a lot more sense!

That Chick Over There said...

I like your list much better!

Heather said...

You read Cosmo??

All that work on your great list and that's what I'm stuck on, I know, I'm a big geek.

JustRandi said...

I don't read COSMO! You goof! I surf the internet!