Smelly Stuff

Is there a woman in North America who doesn't recognize the distinctive smell of Playtex Deodorant Tampons?

Seriously, you know exactly the smell I'm talking about, right?

Do you know the name of that smell?

I do.

Because someone in my house recently purchased Bath and B0dy W0rks Enchanted Orchid lotion. Oh, it smells fine in the bottle, but once you've had it on for about ten minutes, that very distinctive smell begins.

In the perfume industry I think they call it an "undertone".

Around here I just call it - "Hey, do you have scented tampons in your purse? Because what the heck?"

I mean, it's not a BAD smell. It's just not a really good one.

So, yeah, I'm not saying I'm a fragrance expert or anything, but my advice would be:

ixnay on the orchiday.

So Then, Basically You're Telling Me that Vietnam Has More of a Tropical Climate

This post is a veritable showcase for how challenged I am in so many areas: geographically, culturally, weather-ly (meteorologically?), not to mention vocabularily and spelling-ly. So if it's going to make you start twitching or anything (Annette!) just stop reading here. Seriously.

Apparently in Vietnam from whence our charming neighbors emmigrated, they do not routinely teach people to drive in the snow. (I am completely generalizing here, thus displaying many of the flaws listed above.)

See, Rooster Grandpa, as I like to call him, whom I happen to know does not speak or read any English at all, has been given the duty of driving the carpool of neighbor kids to school in the family mini-van every day. He is quite punctual, both at 7:05 when he honks for the middle school kids, and then again an hour later when he honks for the elementary kids.

So this morning shortly after the first honk, I heard this high pitched whining sound that just kept going and going. I went down to the window to see that Rooster Grandpa had the accelerator pressed all the way down, and was spinning his tires trying to make that minivan climb up the little hill next to our house. The van was actually moving at - I'm going to guess 2-3 mph, while I am absolutely sure the tires were going faster than 40+.
I mean, I could HEAR the tires from the other side of the house, people.

The thing is, yes, it was an ice skating rink down the middle of the street where one plow had come through one time. But on either side of the plowing width, there was ample snow pack. Grandpa! Just move over about 2 feet! The tires will grab the snow and you'll be fine!

It was just so obvious to me, that I stood there sort of dumbfounded and watched him spin that carload of kids to the top of the hill.

It kinda made me think about different people's life experiences. I mean, I have no idea how I would get by in a tropical place, where I have no experience. I hope I would have the chutzpa to do what Grandpa Rooster does, when he just keeps giving it everything he's got to get the job done.

One hour later, when the EXACT same thing happened with the next carpool, I also began to hope that I would have the ability to recognize that I don't know what the HECK I'm doing, and for the love of all that is holy, maybe I shouldn't be driving kids in a foreign climate where I can't understand the roadsigns.

But maybe that's a cultural thing, too.

No, Really

I just have a question for the person (man) who designed it so that when you exit our Sam's Club you have to push your heavy cart down a ramp directly into traffic:

"Seriously?"

We Only Looked For Week and a Half

If you're ever looking for a really amazing place to hide something?
Try the back of your desk drawer.

Inside a Kleenex box.

Soccer Trophies – Good or Evil?

I have no idea where this little rant came from. I just woke up today thinking about helping our children and especially our teens develop REAL self worth.

I’m a fan of youth sports. I think they’re good exercise, teach kids about teamwork, working hard, and sportsmanship. Love it.

What I am NOT a fan of, is the big trophy ceremony at the end. When did we stop telling our children that sometimes being average is OK? Now, as the trophies indicate – everyone has to be The Best. The pendulum went from “Children shall be seen and not heard” all the way to “Look at you! You’re the BEST at everything!"

(And somewhere along the line, the trophy itself lost a whole bunch of status - going from a symbol of being the very best, to basically a symbol of showing up.)

Do you think we do our kids any favors by telling them they’re good at everything? In the end, they know – THEY KNOW—that they are not good at everything. If you exclaim “Wonderful! Wonderful!” over everything the same way, that translates to “exceptional at nothing.”

I once attended a T-ball game where the 6 year old at bat swung so hard he spun himself in a circle and hit himself in the head. As his coach dusted him off and wiped away a few tears, his parents were screaming from the sidelines -“You did GREAT! Great swing! You’re amazing!”

Really?

I mean, not “You’re trying really hard!”, or something credible.

A) The kid KNOWS he is NOT AMAZING right now.

and

B) What kind of pressure is that for a 6 year old? From where I sat, that was not encouraging, that was just pressure.

What ever happened to REAL self esteem? You know the kind I mean. The kind you feel when you finally learn to do something that is difficult for you. Like the first time you tied your shoes by yourself. Or when you discovered something that you really did have talent for . Or when you memorized the pre-amble to the Constitution. Or even when your mom said, “Yes, after the fourth try, this bathroom really is clean.”

I just kinda think the world will be a better place when we actually help our children learn that there is a standard for clean, that some kids are better at sports, and working hard at something will make you better at it.

Let’s skip the shelves full of Everyone-Is-Great trophies and the empty praise, and help them find something they really are good at and enjoy doing. Praise them when they ARE good at something so it’s meaningful and believable. THAT is when our children will find their self-esteem.

And then they will tell THEMSELVES that they are amazing.

Why I Don't Recommend Movies

Waaaay back in 1985, Pee Wee's Big Adventure hit the theaters. And I, along with most of America, I think, thought it looked really, well, bizarre. And not bizarre in a fun, wacky way, but more like a freakish-is-this-guy-for-real? sort of way, as only Pee Wee pulls off so well.

And might I add, this was BEFORE all that other unpleasant business. You know, when we only suspected - based totally on, well, how he looked and acted, that he was headed for having his life summarized on a misdemeanor rap sheet.

But anyway, my dad and I were talking to my cousin, who had recently seen the Big Adventure, and who could NOT say enough about how funny the movie was. Really completely hilarious! Apparently my (deranged) cousin started laughing at the beginning of the movie, and did not stop until well after the credits had gone to bed for the night.

And somehow, he convinced us to go pay REAL MONEY to see that movie. In the theaters. Not even at the matinée price. And so our whole family sat there in the darkness and we waited for the funny.

You guessed it.

The funny never arrived. But I don't need to tell you that, because no doubt you saw it too. Only I'm sure you were smarter than me and you waited until it was on tv on a Saturday afternoon and you were just hanging around folding laundry and had absolutely nothing more interesting to occupy your brain.

And most people I talk to about that movie enjoyed it about 48 times more than we did. In fact, right now you might be saying to yourself, "Well, it wasn't On The Waterfront or anything, but it was a cute little unusual adventure." Right? Aren't you saying that?

And I attribute the difference in our opinions here completely to the fact that I expected to love the movie, and you expected nothing more than a short diversion to keep you from having to match socks, other than on the commercials.

And that, my friends, is why I have completely stopped recommending any movies or books. If I liked it, the best you'll get from me is a short, "Well, it was pretty good."

The secret is, it's all in the expectations.

I was thinking about it this morning reading over at Sue's blog, where she's been busy stirring up trouble... polarizing the blogging community... having an interesting discussion about her less than stellar review of the Twilight series. (Love ya, Sue!) I think Sue was a victim of all the hype about Twilight. She expected it to rock her world, and who could blame her?

I've noticed that the people who like the book the best are those who read it before most of the hype and excitement started. I mean, it wasn't Anna Karanina or anything, but I thought it was an entertaining premise, and really, I never expected it to be anything but a quick summer read of a young adult fantasy book. I really enjoyed it.

Pee Wee vs Twilight. Now there's a comparison you won't see on any other blog. But you totally get the connection, right?

YW Do's and Don'ts

There's a blog I follow sometimes about a single lds woman who lives in a big city. She writes about her different boyfriends and her struggles with trying to keep lds standards. And I really feel for her. I know it's GOT to be difficult. Extremely difficult, especially when you consider that the vast majority or her dating pool is of the non-lds variety.

A couple of weeks ago she had a major melt-down and told her bishop about not ever ever feeling part of the ward or fellowshipped in any way. In fact she usually left Sacrament Meeting crying and didn't stay for any other meetings, because she felt so isolated. Nobody would talk to her, and she didn't have home teachers. And here she is, trying to live her standards, and she feels more alone at church than anywhere else. Including well, anywhere else she hangs out and tries to meet people or whatever.

This morning she posted that the bishop had gotten her wonderful home teachers and she now has a new calling... And I was really happy for her. And then as I continued to read, I got very concerned.

Her calling is in the young women. - NO PROBLEM!! I love the idea of having single, experienced sisters in YW.
But then I read what she's planning on teaching. Here's part of her post. See what you think:

Things I wish I had learned in my Young Women's classes:

1. How to say 'No' when appropriate. Especially how and when to say 'no' to men. That skill would have saved me a few years of agony in college.
2. When it's necessary to be rude, i.e. to stave off the drunks trying to hit on you. As opposed to re-enforcing the docile and submissive behavior that good girls are supposed to always exhibit, teach me to stand up for myself as a daughter of God that deserves respect.
3. What qualities really make a man marriageable: no, being a return missionary and priesthood holder does not automatically qualify a man as good marriage material, nor does dental school. (What's the deal with all the Mo's becoming dentists?)
   
4. How to tell when you are dating a loser.
5. How to get rid of said loser.
   
6. Exactly which sins/offenses need to be shared with the Bishop. (I still don't know.)
   
7. Etiquette for turning down alcohol at social events.
8. Etiquette for serving/not serving alcohol at your own social events. I deal with this by telling my party guests to brink their own beverages. Though I find that practice very tacky.
9. Smart dating strategies. More than just saying "Don't date until you are 16." Teach the girls to avoid risky situations.
   
10. Nutrition for healthy living.
11. How to take care of yourself in a loving and respectful way. The importance of taking care of yourself emotionally as opposed to sacrificing your sanity to serve the family. "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
    
12. Learning how to love yourself.
13. Career Planning, i.e. don't spend your youth pursuing a doctorate in the humanities.
    
14. Study skills.
15. Teach me the truth, that a temple marriage does not guarantee happiness, and being a 'good girl' does not shield you from pain or tragedy. (I already knew these things in high school, the fact that my teachers wouldn't tell this truth made me suspicious of everything else they said.)
16. Teach me to use my voice to express my feelings and my needs so I don't grow up to be a depressed housewife on Prozac. (Or a 30 year old who has to practice saying "I love you" in therapy.)

I have to say; as a mom and a yw president, I would want to know if this was where we were headed in our program.

Take #2. How about instead of teaching them how to fend off drunken men, let's teach them not to be somewhere with drunken men in the first place.

I don't know. I think some of the things she wants to teach are great. But there are others that are pretty iff-y. And it would depend on the age she's teaching, too. Many of these things would be pretty good info for Laurels, but Beehives, not so much.

Do we really need to tell our 16 year olds how to serve alcohol at their parties? What do you think?

Fergie-dentity Crisis

I'm now officially old.

Because when people say this:

I think this:

And she doesn't look bad, but really people, she's just not all that.

Tell me you don't do that too!

Oh! And I have been having a fantastic time playing in the templates at Pyzam.com. Thanks to Stephanette for the tip! Maybe I'll have a new look coming soon. It's very sophisticated.
Like Me.

(Ppppfffffttttttt!!!)

Are We Not All Teenagers?

No matter how old we get, somewhere inside us lurks an insecure 14 year old - just waiting to surface.
This morning I'm blogging at Mormon Momma. I'd LOVE for you to come on over and add to the discussion! Of course, I always love it when you come back and comment here as well.

Feminism Rears It's Ugly Head

The McDonalds radio commercial they're running here is a mom talking about the hardest part of her day being finding a restaurant that her kids like and also carried salads.

She actually says the words, "hardest part of being a mom " in relation to finding a restaurant.

Now, I'm not a feminazi or anything, but seriously - - Is there even a remote possibility that a woman wrote the copy for that commercial?

I thought not.

Every Woman Should Know How To....

These types of lists have always sort of alternated between annoying and amusing me. I'm not so much fascinated by whether or not I can do all the things on the list, as much as I'm interested in who makes up the list? And what is that person's lifestyle? In who's world are these the most important 10 things for a woman to be able to do?
Here's the list according to Cosmo:

Grab a Bartender's Attention OK. See I don't go to a lot of bars. But if I did, I would imagine I would be there with a date, and thus I would have no need to grab the bartender's attention myself.
Use a Public Restroom Hey, not only can I use a public restroom, but all three of my daughters can use a public restroom and NOT DIRECTLY TOUCH ANYTHING. All four of us can come out of there with hands clean enough to do open heart surgery!
Fake Wearing Make-up Well, those of us who weren't allowed to start wearing makeup when we were 4 or whatever, mastered the art of pinching our cheeks and biting our lips and Vaseline on the eyelashes very early in life.
Fit Everything in Your Handbag I guess I've never really understood the "carry everything" theory. My purse is small and I like it that way.
Make a Great Omelet Every Single Time Darn right.
Set a Mental Alarm Clock I can TOTALLY do that!
Talk and Eavesdrop at the Same Time Do you know a woman who can't? Of course, how much you actually hear depends on how cooperative the person you're talking to is...
Freshen Your Breath Without a toothbrush People at Cosmo have never heard of a mint?
Upgrade a Flight or Hotel Room I have no idea. You don't just ask?
Fix a Broken Heel I say just take off your shoes.

Thank-you, Cosmo Magazine.


I think if I had written that list, it would look more like this:

Every REAL Woman Should Know How To:

Grab Enough Snacks for a Full Day of Soccer Games and Swim Meets
Use a Public Restroom While Carrying a Toddler.
Fake a Sunday School Lesson When The Regular Teacher Doesn't Show Up
Fit Everything in a 15 Minute Parent/Teacher Conference
Make Dinner in 20 Minutes with 4 ingredients
Set and Stick to A Curfew
Talk a New Driver Through Her First Parking Job
Freshen Smelly Shoes That Have Been Through Every Puddle between Your House and The School . Everyday.
Upgrade the Family's Nutrition Without Telling Anyone They're Eating More Veggies
Fix a Dryer Load of Clothes tumbled with Melted Crayons

Now THAT'S a list for my world.

One NightStand

Is this guy amazing or what? We are talking some serious "real man" talent. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I really did.

(And notice the absence of anything unwoodworkingly related on the workbench. An observation I intend to make every single day. Well, not every day on this blog. Just in real life.)

More Top Gun

This morning the pilots are practicing formations. Now, I've seen them fly formations before, but these are SO close together it's a little scary. Apparently they do that so that on radar they look like one larger plane.

Have I really just posted two days in a row about military airplane maneuvers?

Well, I guess I said my blog was going to be different...

Secrets of Adulthood

Are there really secrets to being a successful adult? I was browsing through a blog today called The Happiness Project.

It's an interesting read - with different ideas about what makes people happy. The author spent a year collecting and living different happiness theories and then telling whether she found them valid or not.

Here's one section that I found random, whimsical, and, you know, mostly true:

Secrets of Adulthood.

• Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
• Even if you think they are fake holidays, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
• If you can't find something, clean up.
• The days are long, but the years are short.
• Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
• Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
• It's okay to ask for help.
• You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
• Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
• What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
• You don't have to be good at everything.
• Soap and water removes most stains.
• It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
• You know as much as most people.
• Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
• Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
• What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
• People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
• Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
• If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
• No deposit, no return.

To hers, I would add:

• knowing something about many things, is better than knowing everything about one thing.
• 
  
• praying is more effective than worrying.
• 
  
• everyone should know how to cook at least one really terrific dinner.
• 
  

I love hearing these kinds of things that people actually live by. Got any to share?

Location, Location, Location

I really took this picture.
You know I took it because of how dirty the windshield is.

I'm sure the facts that 1) I thought it was funny, and 2) my car is dirty both say something very ironic about the whole thing, but I'm not quite sure what it is.