Friday, April 25, 2008

I'm Not Gonna Lie...


It's been a couple of emotional days for me. And though it's embarrassing to be so emotional, I guess I am what I am. (Thanks for that quote, Popeye.) I'll get through it fine.

But I will tell you that it was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever.

I sat on the bed talking to Buddy the morning he left, and I realized that right then was probably the last time I would see my little boy. When he comes back he will be grown up, as he should be.

I think it's just hard to end pieces of your life. That piece of my life where all my kids live at home with us is over now. I wonder if I did it well enough, you know?
I'm not under any illusions that I'm the first parent to ever send my son out into the world to do something difficult. Sheesh, I guess I can be glad I wasn't David's mom right before he decided to take lunch to his brothers who were fighting the Philistines. Joseph and Lucy Smith had no picnic going on. And I'm pretty sure Abraham had a test that I could never have passed.

But as I sat in the missionary meeting, counting down the minutes, then seconds until I was going to have to really say good-bye, and not even hug him again for two whole years, it occurred to me that the only thing harder than having him go, would be NOT having him go.

This I can do. That might have done me in.

32 comments:

kristen said...

Great post randi. I am so glad you made it through the missionary meeting. Really, that's the hardest part for both missionaries and parents. I remember sitting there thinking "Huh, in a half hour I have to say goodbye; and then that's it." (Although I knew I'd see them at the airport before flying out of the country--that was back in the day when you could still do that).

I think what you said at the end says it all: "....the only thing harder than having him go, would be NOT having him go."

You are going to be just fine. And you're going to love all the opportunities you get to share about your missionary. You will be a beaming mother, and you'll love it!! Having a missionary out blesses the family in so many ways. I'm excited for you!!

tobymine said...

My boy is only 3 months old and already I am freaking out about how old he is getting and am I doing this mom thing right and he is going to go on a mission and oh my gosh I am not letting him out of my sight maybe he can go on an Internet mission. I hope you are around in 19 years so that I can whine to you about my baby being gone and you can say "meh, you'll survive." ;)

You will survive too. You'll miss him, but he's out there doing something SO COOL and AWESOME and GOOD, that I don't know if you are allowed to miss him too much. Of course I say this and my only experience is having my best friend gone on her mission. But she came back eventually, and he will too. Blah blah blah, I'll shut up now because I am just a-ramblin' and making a bigger dork of myself.

Melissa said...

I'm gonna have to agree with your last thoughts there... I have two brothers - one went and struggled for the first year. We were sure he was gonna come home at one point, but he pulled it together and ended up being an awesome missionary!
My other brother hasn't been to church for a long time - well, he shows up for baby blessings and an occasional missionary thing. That's about it. He's should have gotten home from his mission last fall... but instead, he was on probation and had been in jail earlier in the year.
I'm not looking forward to sending kids on missions, but I hope and pray that they will go... I'm glad you have that same outlook!
HUGS!!!!

Stacey said...

What a wonderful post! I can't imagine what it will be like when my kids are old enough for missions. There are so many wonderful blessings in store for your family. ((HUGS))

the MomBabe said...

I love this. Puts some much needed perspective on my life today.

Jenny said...

I am amazed that amist all the emomtion you can have the perspective to keep yourself together. As my Dad would say, "Strong Work".

"Vern" said...

crying and agreeing.

Tori :) said...

Bless your heart!! I still have 6 years before my 1st born goes and you're making me cry about it!!

You're an awesome mom.

miggy said...

The fact that he's on a mission...well I'm guessing you did some thing's right. Congrats and my condolences at the same time.

Tonya said...

I was just about crying with you. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been and I'm glad I have about 14 more years before I experience it. This was a great post and you are a great mom.

No Cool Story said...

NOT having him go.

Thanks Randi (((((Happy hugs))))

I can't even imagine. I have 3 years to go and reading your experiences makes me think about it.

Corrine said...

I have um....12 years to go, and my heart started beating fast, and I have tears, so I can only imagine and well you described your feelings, I actually woke up this morning thinking about you wondering how the whole send off went.

Heather said...

He's lucky to have such a great family.

And just think that is the LAST time you have to say goodbye to a son on mission! :) Now, daughters that may be another story...

Tracy said...

I have been a lurker and enjoyed your blog. We have a lot in common - especially since I just put my oldest son on a plane yesterday to fly to the MTC in Ghana Africa. He will be serving in the Sierra Leone Freetown Mission. I agree with you. The whole thing has been a wonderfully sad experience. I didn't know I was capable of crying so much. It was humbling to see my little boy with his suit and mission tag ready to go out and conquer the world. And I agree it would be harder for him not to go!!

Nancy Face said...

We said goodbye to Ty at the airport. Once he was in the security line he just wanted us to leave, but we couldn't do it! We stood ther crying, staring at the back of his head. He looked back a couple times, probably hoping we were gone...poor Ty! ;)

It's wonderfully amazing how the sun comes out in your heart when you get those first letters from the MTC! So much to look forward to! :)

Here's a hug! (((((RANDI)))))

JustRandi said...

Tracy- WOW! Congratulations and a big hug to you! Send me your email address!

JustRandi said...

And thanks everyone for the support. I know I'm a basket case.

Kimberly said...

I can only imagine what an intense experience this must be for you!

Janell said...

I wouldn't be so quick to discount your sacrifice. You're not offering the very life of your willing son* on an alter in similitude of a future son to be sacrificed. You are offering your willing boy's life to several years of proselyting and service - much like another mother who's son spent several years in the a ministry of conversion and service. Your trial should not be belittled just because there are records of "bigger" and "grander" sacrifices.

* clarification. Popular Sunday School pictures show Isaac to be a small boy; however, based on Sarah's age, Issac was a grown man at the time and he was certainly taught by his father the meaning of the sacrifices.

Emily said...

I must admit, I have been waiting and waiting for this post! Yay for you and yay for Buddy! Everything will turn out great! I just know it!

mindyluwho said...

I love your last bit about it being harder to not have him go. My boy is 16 and it's only three short years away. Three of the harder years for boys, I think, as the choices they make determine so much of what will happen then. I'm so impressed with any boy who is able to make it on a mission.

And with the mom who was behind him all the way.

TheDillon6 said...

good honest perspective. and one that I am not relishing facing...in 11 years.

"Q" said...

Sending the daughter was okay, she was older, she's my girl, and it's only a year and a half, right? BUT sending the son, now that's gonna be a different story. It's two year,he's my boy and he's my baby. But again your words ring true "the only thing harder than having him go, would be NOT having him go." Thank you Randi for putting it into perspective.

Whitney said...

I really liked this post. It just shows how strong you really are! Reading it was making me think of what I will do (In like 25 years, yeah, but still, eventually) when my sons go on missions. That is a test of ultimate self sacrifice, for the both of you. Good job :)

Marilyn said...

So glad you posted....I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing...Sending you a BIG cyber (((HUG))) I've done it both ways, one didn't go and the other one just passed his hump day. Once you get over the pain of sending him off-you will start feeling the incredible feeling of having a missionary serve. It's hard to describe but there's just a wonderful spirit....We were just talking last night about how blessed we've been since our son left and we have another one who will leave shortly after our son comes home-we are excited to be blessed for the next 3 years!Hang in there-you will have your moments but it will be okay (I had a "moment" when my husband started playing the song "Bring him Home." from Les Mis. I had to leave the room......)

Lauren said...

You said it best, it WOULD be harder not having him go. I bet you are so proud of him and the wonderful choice he made in serving a mission. It will bless his future family and your family.

Barbara & Morris said...

Well just found you..not sure how but you are "right on" with this post...I have sent off 2 of my boys, who are now married...but oh boy I cried when I read this post. Girls stay close but boys even though you know they should be close to their wives(and you love these girls)...it is HARD. Maybe it is this way with each new stage of life we go through with them..do you think?
I love the way you write, come visit me on my site...and say hello:)
Fondly, Barbara

ganelle said...

I'm with ganell (must be something to the name.) I had an institute teacher who once likened sending off our sons on missions to Abrahams sacrifice. I have three boys and dread (and yet look forward to) that day. You're post was beautiful

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

randi dear,

awesome point you brought up at the end.

you did excellent with him, girl :)

excellent.

you rawk! kathleen :)

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

and this isn't the hardest thing you will do. there will be more :) **smiling with you**

Yvonne said...

I didn't think it was going to be as hard as it was, but it is SO WORTH IT!!! Honestly, at first it will go so slow, but by the end you will want the time to slow down because of all the wonderful experiences he will be having.

Hugs to you, randi.

East of Eden said...

I was thinking about you last week. Just think, even though you'll be away from him for 2 years, he will be having the time of his life. And at least you can email, think if he were going on his mission in 1908, it would just be letters in serious snail mail mode. :) If you want to send him some immediate love go to mtccookies.com. They do same day delivery to the MTC and you can write a letter they'll include with the package.