Friday, June 19, 2009

Evil Deeds

The radio personalities I listen to in the morning have maintained for years that all people named Heather have an evil streak. They're funny, and it gives them lots of jokes, so even if I was a Heather, I wouldn't take it super personally.

This morning, they went so far as to have an in-studio Evil Heather Day, where people named Heather had to apply to get on the show, and they brought in the top 12 evil Heathers. To get on the show, they had to tell the most evil thing they had done... but it had to be funny-evil. Not hey-does-anyone-have-a-wooden-stake-and-can-we-call-a-priest-evil.

One Heather got on the show by writing in her experience working in a coffee shop and adding whole milk to all the skinny cheerleaders' orders of skim milk lattes.

Another Heather told about tricking her ex-husband into thinking he had bought her a new bedroom set. ("I can't believe you don't remember talking about this. You SAID go ahead and get it!")

So I was laughing along, and it occurred to me everyone has evil things they do and well frankly, I want to know yours.
I've always been a pretty straight shooter, but I might have a couple.


I may or may not have told my kids that the only time the ice cream truck plays music is when it's OUT of ice cream.



There was the time I couldn't take another April Fools Day, so I told my kids it was actually March 32nd.


Come on, tell me your evil deed. You can even do it anonymously if you want.

(I was debating telling another one. It's funny, but I'd have to do it anonymously. Maybe I'll wait for some anonymous comments to come in, and try to slip it in there. Or not. You never know!)

30 comments:

The Phantom Blogger said...

I used to work at a cell phone kiosk in walmart. This older gentleman used to walk through everyday, probably because he was bored.

Every time he saw a penny, he'd stop and pick it up. So I started super gluing change to the floor.

He would get pretty frustrated.

Not so funny now, but riotous to a 18 yr old.

Paul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jill said...

I caught the very tail end of that this morning - I'm so sorry I missed it! As for me...man, it's so hard to narrow it down. I think submitting my friend's profile update to the BYU Alumni magazine is probably up there though.

Vern said...

Um, why did it just submit my comment under the name "Jill"? I'm not kidding - I had to SIGN OUT and sign back in! I'm living in the twilight zone....

Janell said...

I had a roommate who was. . . anyway. So I had this roommate who owned a TON of crap and she insisted on keeping it ALL in the common areas. Among all this junk were two, large candles. She kept the white one on the left side of the coffee table and the purple one on the right side of the coffee table. I'd amuse myself by swapping the candles. Without fail, within 5 minutes of arriving home, she'd swap them back again.

Barbaloot said...

Hmm--I know I do some evil stuff, but I can't think of anything really good right now.

Mostly I do stupid stuff---like I keep hiding this mini bust of Chopin in my brother's hosue. He's hated the thing since he was a little kid and I love bugging him with it. Last year I wrapped it up and gave it to him for a Christmas present.

When the volunteer sheet passes around in church I always sign other people up. They never know it's me:)

Jennifer said...

When my kids went through that phase where they constantly asked "why" I told them it was a bad word and I didn't want to hear it ever again. And sometimes when I was in the bathroom (never fails, right?) and someone knocks and wants Mom. I would tell them that I changed my name and I wasn't telling them what it was.

Heather said...

What?? I don't think I've ever done anything that would qualify as mean, unless you count the time I .... nope I got nothing. Sweet bag of cuteness. Yep that's me!

ganelle said...

Umm, Vern/Jill/whoever you are???

Yeah, NOT SO MUCH WITH THE ALUMNI MAGAZINE!!!

(Maybe it was my profile she updated?!?!)

For me? Maybe it was putting Vern's house up for sale while she was out of town.

mormonhermitmom said...

Does throwing away some of the kids' toys when they are at school count?

lailani said...

When my step-son kept leaving the kitchen a mess and leaving lights on all night and not coming home - I would flip the breaker to his bedroom so he would have to reset his clocks and restart his computer.

goddessdivine said...

Oh my gosh I love some of these ideas!! Randi, I think you're encouraging bad behavior. ;-) I seriously think I want to sign people up for church stuff. Awesome.

goddessdivine said...

In my teenage years my friend and I would cruise town picking up anything construction-like (orange cones, yellow tape, those blinking things, etc) and put them all over someone's lawn.

In CA almost all lights were set off by motion, and said detectors were more sensitive after dark. The one coming out of my subdivision was THE most sensitive ever. I'd always swing wide on that right turn, causing that light to turn red......for no reason. I'm sure it ticked off many a motorist.

Stacey said...

I am giggling @ Barbaloot's confession of signing people up on the sheets at church. :D

I tell my kids a lot of little white lies,but for the life of me I can't remember any of them now.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Jan the crazy lady said...

I take the 5th and the 4th and maybe the 3rd...

How funny. LDS have little deeds that are probably not even that bad, but then again, signing the sign up sheets, that is a classic. Why didn't I think of that :)

Melissa said...

Hmmm... I just posted one over at Heathers :) But I've got plenty, so, here we go.
A few years ago a friend told me of her husbands sincere hatred of Twinkies. He hates them so very, very much. So, we had them over for dinner one night and I decided to do strawberry shortcake using Twinkies as the base. He was so polite and so nice... but as he went to take his first bite I started to laugh. I confessed of my knowledge and he was mad... it's a big joke between us now, but he was mad at me for a long time :)

Adrienne said...

When I was in college there were some boys in the apartment across the parking lot from us that my roomates and I always hung out with. They had an open door policy and so I took it into my head (for whatever reason) that I'd start stealing things from their apartment and leaving them on display at our apartment. I just wanted to see how long it took for them to notice. I took cd's and books (placed them on our coffee table), their remote control(!), and eventually even walked in, grabbed their clock off their wall, and walked out, hanging it on our own living room wall. They took FOREVER to notice it! And we all had a good laugh in the end.

Yvonne said...

I was babysitting for a family when the parents went out of town. April Fools I got up and went outside to (supposedly) get something out of my car--IT WASN'T THERE. I asked the oldest son, "O.K. April Fools, where's my car." He said he didn't have a clue. I went on for about 5 minutes and he was pretty upset.

(I also hid the new car of a friend of my son's when they were visiting one April Fools.

"Q" said...

How do you leave an anonymous comment?

Lee said...

Sometimes, I take the last scoop of ice cream or the last cookie from the box and when the hubs gets home, I tell him I gave it to one of the kids.

JustRandi said...

Q- at the bottom of the comment box it lets you choose an identity.

Anonymous said...

When I was on my mission in South America I heard about a guy who would tell the non-English-speaking Latinos that the best way to make an American LOVE you is to wave your hands and holler "I'm a WEENY!" - you know, as a form of saying hello. I told that to a few people and would die laughing when I'd hear "I'm a WEENY" in the distance.

Dave said...

I've been trying and trying to come up with a story. That's a big swing a miss.

That Girl said...

Barbaloot KILLS me. Awesome idea.

Kerri said...

Vern was in on this one with me. Our daughter's are friends and they had a....whoppie cushion-type thing that was remote controlled. We put it under the sofa cushion and called my then 11 year old over to sit down. Then as we talked, Vern made it....whoop....and I acted embarrassed and told my daughter to say excuse me. She was so upset, repeating it wasn't her but I ended up uncontrollably laughing and we told her what we were doing. She thought we were mean. I decided it was Vern's fault.

rocslinger said...

I told my daughter Rachel that she had a secret name and that it was Mergatroid. She ran downstairs and asked her mother if it was true.

Anonymous said...

okay, i am lovin' all these things to get back at kids. not that i don't love mine, but to get them sometimes would be great. my friend told me she loved to nail her kids clothes to the floor if they didn't pick them up before school. something that my husband and i like to do for april fools is chocolate covered cotton balls. he teaches hs and the kids get a big kick out of it (not the ones he does it to, but the ones watching).

Anonymous said...

okay, i am lovin' all these things to get back at kids. not that i don't love mine, but to get them sometimes would be great. my friend told me she loved to nail her kids clothes to the floor if they didn't pick them up before school. something that my husband and i like to do for april fools is chocolate covered cotton balls. he teaches hs and the kids get a big kick out of it (not the ones he does it to, but the ones watching).

Anonymous said...

okay, i am lovin' all these things to get back at kids. not that i don't love mine, but to get them sometimes would be great. my friend told me she loved to nail her kids clothes to the floor if they didn't pick them up before school. something that my husband and i like to do for april fools is chocolate covered cotton balls. he teaches hs and the kids get a big kick out of it (not the ones he does it to, but the ones watching).

Anonymous said...

I hope no one in my ward thinks it's hilarious to sign other people up anonymously. Sounds very immature to me. I'd hate to be the one in charge, thinking all the bases were covered, only to find that half the people couldn't help because they wouldn't be attending. So not fair to the missionaries if they're screwing up the dinner calendar. Please think of the potential consequences before you play a prank on someone trying to be funny or because you're bored.