Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Notes to Self on The Brain's Business Trips

The last few times The Brain has been out of town for business, I've made some notes to myself to help me cope better in the future.

Sometimes the notes look like this:
  • $@*(#)@@#$%&*(%#^

But mostly they are helpful things, like:
  • Don't let the kids make curfew extensions. This can only end in tears.
  • Make sure to wash the bed sheets before he gets home.
Because for me, coming home after staying in a nice hotel for a couple of nights would be hard enough. It would be completely un-doable with dirty sheets.

I would be happy to come home to homemade cookies, though, so that's another note I have.

  • Make cookies. The house will smell great,
And as most wives know, a great smelling house covers up a multitude of other oversights. (*cough* Forgetting to get the trash out on trash day *cough*)

Anyway, I think keeping this little notebook has made me a leeeetle bit better wife. Maybe.

The Brain will be home tonight (YAY! ) so I've jotted down a few notes I've made from this time around:

Notes to Self:

  • When The Brain is gone, there will be a spider in every room in the house. I don't know WHY you keep thinking this time it won't happen. There's no point in going into denial, you're just going to have to kill them. There's also no point in calling Lizzie to help, because she will scream in your ear and grab your shirt every time the spider moves a leg, and everyone in the room will dissolve into giggles, and in the meantime the spider will be making it's way to the next room.
  • Where it will pretend to be a new spider.

  • Also when the Brain goes out of town= not a good time to start a scary novel. You already know you are a 'fraidy cat, and yet you insist on reading until you get sleepy, which you never will, because you will be laying awake at 2 am wondering what that noise was, and if the creepy shapes are coming in to get you. This is never a good idea.
  • And yet you keep doing it.

  • *Packing for girl's camp is not your forte'. Yes The Brain got all the equipment out and ready before he left. But you forgot to ask how the backpack should be packed. Google is your friend, but if you had any forethought at all, The Brain would have happily done it for you before he left.
  • And I bet it wouldn't have taken him an hour to do it, either.

I think there were a couple more things, but they were on the paper where I may or may not have spilled my water in the middle of the night in a possible panic that I might have heard a spider on the ceiling. Heaven knows you can't be too paranoid about that kind of thing. (Because what if there really IS?)

Maybe my thoughts from this time aren't as practical as some of the earlier entries, but I think they're important things to remember nonetheless.
(You can see how those 4 hours of sleep last night have really kicked in and helped my thinking stay crystal clear, right?)

So this afternoon I'm washing sheets and baking cookies. YAY!

And next time he starts packing his suitcase, I'll be out picking up some bug spray, a drowsy Nicholas Sparks book, and some Rocky Road Ice Cream.

Because Rocky Road Ice Cream is the key to making the whole system work. Srsly.


Tay said...

Oh goodness - I do the same thing when my husband is away. We're pretty smart together, you and I.

Darn spiders! They think they are so sneaky!!!

Julie Ramsay said...

I hate those scary books when my husband is away-freaks me OUT! Very funny list!

Emmy said...

My imagination goes on overdrive too when my husband is out of town. It is amazing how scary a perfectly safe and comfortable home can seem.

The Simpsons said...

When my hubby is gone, I hate turning the lights off downstairs. I flip the switch and then tear up the stairs. Oh wait...I do that all the time.
Good list, especially covering up the garbage situation.

goddessdivine said...

Man you're such a good wife. Can I come live with you? ;-)

Raid is one of the best inventions ever. I highly recommend picking up a can.

Jen said...

LOL!! Loved this post. One time when my hubby was gone, I found a black widow in a nasty web in the corner where my toddler would read her picture books. YIKES!! I had to kill it myself. I made sure I used a closed toe shoe. Then a vacuumed like mad and felt like something was crawling on me for days.

Lee said...

I had a bad scary night the other night. It's on my blog too. Problem was, the hubs was home at the time! Oh well!

mormonhermitmom said...

1. Spiders go bye bye when you use the hose extension on the vacuum. I've never seen one escape yet.

2. I sleep with a BIG stick in my bed when hubby is gone.

3. Ah, packing for camp. Give yourself plenty of time - like a month;)

That is all.

Momof5 said...

When by hubby was off fighting wild fires weeks at a time, I used to get sooo freaked out at night that I would go and drag a kid into my bed to sleep with me. You should've seen their faces in the morning....like, huh? wait...a...minute.....how....did...I? It provided great morning entertainment! Love the blog!

Yvonne said...

All my years of having Allan out of town and many, many sleepless nights all ended when I DECIDED TO SET THE ALARM. Makes all the difference in the world. I used to NEVER let the kids spend the night at a friends when he was gone because GOODNESS KNOWS IF ANYONE BROKE INTO THE HOUSE THE KIDS WOULD DEFINITELY PROTECT ME ; )

Glad The Brain will be home. Enjoy your cookies and clean sheets.

The Pollocks! said...

I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts. You make me smile and laugh and nod my head in agreement MANY times!

Dave said...

you left out a very important item to prep for him being gone next time.


That way, the spiders won't have time to get organized. By the time they realize he's not coming home on Sunday night, it'll be to late for them to mobilze before he gets home Tues night.

Of course, when it's scout camp they'll have time to adapt, but you bought yourself a few days, right?

Dave said...

and don't be too hard on lizzie. the warning scream and grab is an essential part of a successful campaign against invading spiders.

Melissa Bastow said...

You better not be reading a scary book that involves spiders - because then you'd be really dumb. However, if it's only about axe murderers or world invading robotic aliens that's a totally different matter - you'll still be up at 2 AM wondering about noises, but atleast the brain gets to sleep peacefully while he's gone instead of being sent out to check on noises every 2.7 minutes, right?

p.s. Can I have a cookie if I promise to kill one of your spiders (without screaming or grabbing your shirt)?

Barbaloot said...

Ooh-I just remembered there's Rocky Road ice cream in my freezer...too bad I'm at work!

I hate it when spiders move rooms in an effort to continually freak you out. Horrible creatures.

Heather said...

Harry Potter isn't that scary...

Whitney said...

I think of spiders and shudder.... I'm sorry you may have to kill some, I don't have the guts!
Now I really want homemade cookies....yum!

Loralee and the gang... said...

I have never been afraid of spiders. I figure, I am much bigger than the spider, and I can squish it. And they don't move THAT fast. So can't really relate there...
BUT stinky garbage smells, and any smelly smells, really, covered up by fresh-basked cookies? I am the master of that!
(and I am wondering why, no matter that I make a comment on almost every one of your posts, that I never move from #6? Must be my lucky number...and hey, I haven't seen a comment from you for a while? what's up with that? Oh, and I found the widget code so that you can show ALL the numbers of comments made by EVERYone...check mine out... let me know and I will email you the code, since I haven't been able to find it online again)

JustRandi said...

Hey girl- I'm still up there on your comment list! And I've pretty much bee out of town for 3 weeks, so enough grief!

Want to make a quick spider-killing trip?

Linda said...

So hard for me to understand the spider thing. Your mother should have made you kill the spiders instead of clean the bathrooms. Gramzer

Amanda said...

I clicked the link from Up On My Soapbox and now I have a new favorite blog to read!

Tori said...

Ok- the spider thing... SO TRUE! When I 1st got divorced I swear spiders took over my house. And not little spider - GINORMOUS spiders. The way spiders crawl seriously make me gag, so it was really bad. Then when I found Sei... all the spiders disappearred. Whats up with that??

Yum... cookies...

Paul said...

You know, you'll go to all that trouble with the notes, and he won't notice a thing other than that he's HOME!

If I have to go away, I will try like crazy to make it a day trip - first flight in the morning; last flight at night. I HATE being away. By the second day (if I can't avoid it), I am SO missing my wife and kids.

When I get back, I don't care if there's been an outbreak of malaria while I was gone. I'm just glad to be home!

Jennifer said...

This is so funny because I have just started a Book on CD about ways we communicate and show love. As a woman clean sheets are a big deal. According to the CD's men just don't care about that.

Shawn says he wants food ready, and not to have to discuss any problems (Since solving problems is what he does at work).

I'll go with the sheets, a clean kitchen, and some chocolate. :)

KimmyD said...

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!