Monday, August 17, 2009

Why I Don't Keep a Journal Anymore

Last weekend we were cleaning out our garage, and I found some of my old journals from middle school and college.

Oh. My. Gosh.

The drama. The angst. The pathetically embarrassing turmoil.

Spare me.

But I did find a couple of interesting things. For example, if you want to know what a certain guy named Chuck was wearing on any given day in 1977 I can probably look it up for you.

Also, apparently my math teacher thought I should be concentrating on actual MATH and made my life a living hell by moving me all the way across the classroom from my best friend, ON PURPOSE. Which would explain my deap seated hatred of all things mathically related. I mean, how do you get over something like that, right?

But interestingly, through the years, I see glimpses of my real self. The inside me. The one that came with me when I got this body, and will go on with me long after the physical me has given out.

In 1979 I made a list of "Things that Make Me Happy".
Ok there are things on here that are just embarrassing. But really, almost everything on the list is still true today - almost 30 years later.

It's oddly calming and spiritual to read this list - you know- through the embarrassment - because it tells me I am and probably always will be the same person deep down inside.

(I don't know. That thought seemed much more profound before I wrote it down.)

So here - for your (twisted) reading amusement, my 1979 list of:

Things That Make Me Happy
Balloons
Long letters from good friends
Sunsets
Yellow Roses
Firelight
Clean sheets
Snow
Surprises
Poems
Wall to wall carpet
Autumn leaves
Thunderstorms
Being in the middle of a good book
Musical Soundtracks
Two Year Olds
Family Reunions
My cousin Tom
Jontue cologne
Temple Marriage

Can you still even BUY Jontue cologne? Or did that go the way of the Walkman, The Love Boat, and The Commodores singing Brick House?

Jeesh I'm old.

29 comments:

Dave said...

hey, in 1979, I was two years old!!!

that means I made you happy before you ever met me :-)

Dave said...

oh, and you can still buy Jontue Cologne, but at the steep price of 10$ a bottle, who can afford it in this economy?

Dave said...

so you were, what, 8 when you made this list?

it's funny the relative maturity of things you have on here. when i was eight, my list would have been more... elementary

baseball
frogs
snakes
guns
cars
mud
nintendo
computers
bikes

hmm, i guess my list still applies too :-)

Tay said...

Dang, I should really pull out my old diary and see what lists I made. :) I know I made a list of guys in college who were placed strategically in columns labeled: "out of bounds" "okay" and "Possibilities." And yes, I meant for whether or not they were marriageable material for me.

:D

My list would have been pathetic with things like school, boys, so-and-so looking at me "like that" and hanging out with my friends.

Vern said...

Be honest - you scratched "Brady Bunch Reruns" off your list before sharing this with us. Or wait, back then they weren't reruns were they? *Ducking from your swinging fist*

Kristina P. said...

Not wanting to be embarrassed later is an excellent reason not to keep a journal. Good thing my blog isn't embarrassing at all.

Lee said...

You can borrow my 2 year old.

Becky N. said...

I've thought many, many, many times about burning my Junior High/High School journal. Way too embarrassingly detailed about, yeah... angsty love and stupidity. And I always considered myself a very conservative, level-headed teenager! I'm afraid to think what a really volatile teenager might have going through their heads!!

But in the end, it was part of me. I spent so many hours jotting down my every thought and wish and hope... it would seem a crime to burn it.

Even if it does embarrass the crap out of me to think someone I love might read it and think it at all represents me now.

Kimberly said...

Yeah, I'm often embarrassed by last week's blog posts...

And I like your list! It's a warm-fuzzy inspiring collection of things.

Joanna said...

I love the list of things that make you happy!!LOL

Sue said...

Wow. I've avoided reading my journals for years now. Although when my kids were getting old enough to read I remember tearing out some pages...(details left out on purpose!)
One of these days I might waste some time and look into them again now that 35 or 40 years have gone by. I am sooo way older than you! In 1979 I already had 3 kids, one of them was probably a 2 year old. Too bad I didn't know you and you could babysit for me LOL!

East of Eden said...

I didn't think you could still buy Jountu, but I tell you, I wanted Jontu at the wee age of 6. To me it was the epitome of 'grown up lady'.

Yvonne said...

Love it. Fun post--but they always are fun.

I don't remember Jontue cologne.

I still remember the license plate of the guy I had a crush on in high school (and I graduated 40 years ago--and it's not written in a journal, but in my brain)

Loralee and the gang... said...

I think it's pretty profound to read your old diaries and not just rip out the pages... that's what I would have wanted to do. Maybe that's why I didn't keep a diary. But, now I wish I would have. But through our blogs, we can make up for those pst mistakes, right? And embarrass ourselves immediately, instead of later. Oh well... at least this way we can explain what we REALLY meant to say!
:~D

Stacey said...

I was 2 in 1979 so my list probably would have been..

mommy
food
toys
blankie

I like your list! Why have I never heard of Jontue? I feel so uncool.

Jennifer said...

Ahhh Chuck. We all had one of those. I looked at mine a few years back and I had a lot of hearts and x and o's... :)

Maybe it is good to remember how we were so we can understand our teenagers!!

Annette Lyon said...

Now I'm half curious, half terrified to pull out my own old journals to see what I find there.

ganelle said...

I reread my old high school journals a couple weeks ago also - totally horrifying! I was so boy crazy!

When they tell you to keep a journal for your posterity, I'm not so sure that I ever want them reading THAT! I'll have to figure something else out before I die...

mormonhermitmom said...

I let my 12 year old daughter read my 12 year old entries once when she was feeling down and I thought she needed a pick me up. She criticized my spelling!

Corrine said...

i can't believe two year olds brought you happiness...that is funy great list, don't know why you would be emebarrassed those are great things, aren't old journals fun to find.

my mission comp came over and we read my journal from when we were companions..she was shocked i was so nice about her :) and i was glad that i was.

Julie Ramsay said...

I'm too scared to look back at my journal. You list was amazing. On my list would be a soft pillow, popcorn, chocolate, hot chocolate, chocolate cake, etc....

Barbaloot said...

Mmkay-I totally want to write a list like that in my journal now. I love that---especially the 'being in the middle of a good book.' That's the best!

About a decade ago I read some old journal entries and was horribly embarrassed/ashamed. So now, I make sure I write things that won't make me want to gouge my eyes out in the future.

Melissa said...

I love it!! I have a journal from middle school that's floating around here somewhere... perhaps I should find it before it falls into the wrong hands ;)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I had my 10th anniversary last week and pulled out my old journals. I have not slept in days because I stay up late just pouring over them. I can't help myself! I've been using them as research material to write our love story on my blog and it has been so fun. You ain't kidding about the drama, but it was REAL.

The Mom said...

I have kept a daily journal since I was in 7th grade. And as much as I want to burn them, I know that someday my daughter will read them and know that she is a lot like Mom at her age!

goddessdivine said...

Dude, I totally remember Jontue cologne!! Looking back at journals makes me feel like I'm so totally messed up.

Linda said...

Love that list. Loved the little girl who made it. I so relate to the middle of a good book. Great list.

beckers said...

Too funny! My son and I found my old journals a few weeks ago, and read thru them. There were a lot of them that said "Mom said we had to in our journals again." And one was too funny...it was random, and then ended with "PS: Mom is really mad." :) Makes me re-think being mad at the kids....maybe they'll immortalize it into their journals...

Nancy Face said...

What the? I used to wear Jontue cologne, but I forgot it had even existed until I read your list!

Nearly everything you listed makes me happy too...but I'll substitute my FATHER-IN-LAW Tom! ;)