1. How 'bout next time, you put the car into park before you get out.
2. You waited in the pantry for an HOUR to jump out and scare me??
3. I need a life. Is there an app for that?
4. How many little girls do you think are lucky enough to see the world's Biggest Potato?
5. Because tan fat is much more attractive than white fat, that's why.
6. I'm only drinking this Diet Coke for your protection.
7. Your grade is up to a "D"? That's fantastic!
8. Half Marathon this weekend. Bring. It On.
9. Waffles take way less time to cook if you actually plug in the waffle iron.
10. I'm waiting for the Karma Fairy to kick her in the teeth.