Saturday, April 16, 2011

Experiences

Last September my bishop pulled The Brain and I into his office to ask how our family was doing.  I don't know if he knew he was opening the floodgates or not, but I suspect he did. Adoption is full of life changes no matter which perspective you're involved from, and frankly I don't handle change very well.

After we talked a bit, and cried together, he reminded me,  "Well, we're here to have experiences.  And you're definitely having one."

I've thought about it a lot. I have certainly had an experience.

I'm not going to sugar coat it.  No matter how someone leaves your family I think there are floods of emotions involved.  I imagined it would be very very very difficult. As it turns out --- my imagination?  Not even close.
(...then again, when have I ever had an experience that turned out exactly as it did in my imagination?)

The adoption process was and continues to be the most difficult thing I've ever done.


Even though the past year was very, very, um, challenging, I won't say that it was the worst year of my life.
I have to remember that there were some incredible things during that same year.


I traveled in China and even ran on the Great Wall.


I pushed with handcarts 50 miles through Wyoming, where I had some life defining experiences.


I bought a witch hat in Salem, and found lighthouses in Maine.
 

I had experiences.


I had moments.

And as much as I didn't want it,  I had growth.



I've been writing about the adoption story from my point of view.  Someday I"ll share it, or at least parts of it.


One of the dumb things I do is --when I'm in crisis mode, I tend to pull inward and try my best to disappear... hence the past 6 months of no blogging.  But I've missed it terribly.  I hope I'll begin finding things to blog about again. And I hope they will be happy, fun things.

It's time to start looking for happy again.

27 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I've been thinking about you. I hope everything is OK. As someone who has worked in social work for many years, and has been intimately involved in the adoption process, I know how challenging it can be, and heartbreaking.

lailani said...

Can only imagine - and like yours - I am sure I am way off point with where the highs and lows hit. Your last paragraph I CAN so relate to. The lower I feeel the more I wish to withdraw from others. The more I want a shoulder or ear of a friend, I move more inside myself.

I hope you feel better soon, that much joy comes your way in abundance!

goddessdivine said...

I'm so glad you've "checked in". And way to be upbeat, despite your difficulties. I would love to hear your side of the adoption process, if you do choose to write about it.

(((Hugs)))

Sarah said...

I hope you find some happy. <3

Celeste said...

I've missed your funny posts, they always brightened my day. What a year you've had!

Vern said...

You pushed a handcart 50 miles through Wyoming and it wasn't the worst year of your life?!

About Sonic.

Yes.

Kerri said...

I have 3 adopted family members - two neices and a nephew. They have been a huge blessing in our lives and I am grateful for them every day.

I hope you do write about this from your point of view. By the way, the pics brought tears to my eyes. So very sweet. Prayers are with you.

jjstringham said...

Those pictures are beautiful! I'm glad you checked in, because I don't know if you noticed or not, but I missed you! <3

LisAway said...

Those baby pictures have me crying. And your words. What a year. You will be blessed for making it through this trial. I hope the pain lessens and peace comes sooner rather than later.

Erin said...

Have missed your posts and think of you guys often!! You are LOVED!

Yvonne said...

You are such a strong woman who I love and admire so very much.

The pictures are beautiful.

Hugs.

Adrienne said...

You are an amazing woman, mom, friend. I hope you do find some happy. Really really love you.

Tay said...

Missed you lots and thought of you often. The pictures are amazing and the baby ones are tearing me up inside.

Find some happy. :)

Barbaloot said...

So good to see your blog title bolded in my reader. Can't imagine the experiences you've been having. What a test of faith and love.

Nat said...

The pictures are beautiful :) I'm glad to hear you are searching for happy! It will find you!!! You are a great friend, and I miss you. You're in my thoughts always. Loves!

Heather said...

Nicely written. I could say a lot more but "I think you're pretty amazing" pretty much sums it up.

Amy Peterson said...

LOVE from Texas!! We love you and your family! So good to hear your "voice" again!

Dave said...

funny how even though you talk about your absence, we still got to see all those things through the year :-)

It's good to see you back, and based on feedjit someone in Mielec, Podkarpackie agrees with me.

Randi said...

Yeah, I guess those are pretty much the only things I talked about last year....
Sorry about the re-hash.
:)

Stephanette said...

I've missed you and those pictures are beautifully heart-breaking. We may be hitting Denver for my birthday again this year....temple trip?

Catherine said...

You are such an amazing example to me. I hope you know that. I hope you find some "happy" soon. :) I sure love you!

Annette Lyon said...

I've been thinking of you--seeing you pop up in my reader made me smile.

Gramzer said...

Happy you are back on the Blog. Missed you.

The Atomic Mom said...

I've been checking your blog every week hoping and hoping you'd come back. I love your blog and you. I know that's silly coming from a total stranger, but I love your blog. :)

Jennifer said...

I am so excited to see you're blogging again, I mean the fun kind. :)

Gorgeous pictures, and what an amazing, stressful, year to remember.

I love that your eyes are closed in the picture with the three of you. I would entitle it....
"Proceeding in Faith with Love, Hope & Prayer"
Because it is such a bitter-sweet, trust in God moment.
Much love & Welcome Back.

TheOneTrueSue said...

I've been out of blogging commission too, and am finally going through my reader catching up on people's lives. What a year you've had. What a hard, huge thing for you and your family. This is such a gift for that adoptive family, but I know it must be really painful for you and your family. I hope you are all feeling at peace.

Ginee Scabrough said...

Glad to see that you handled this painful situation better than some moms I know. It is hard for you, but you're write about Hannah. Good for you to try to make it positive growth and not shameful hiding.