After we talked a bit, and cried together, he reminded me, "Well, we're here to have experiences. And you're definitely having one."
I've thought about it a lot. I have certainly had an experience.
I'm not going to sugar coat it. No matter how someone leaves your family I think there are floods of emotions involved. I imagined it would be very very very difficult. As it turns out --- my imagination? Not even close.
(...then again, when have I ever had an experience that turned out exactly as it did in my imagination?)
The adoption process was and continues to be the most difficult thing I've ever done.
Even though the past year was very, very, um, challenging, I won't say that it was the worst year of my life.
I have to remember that there were some incredible things during that same year.
I traveled in China and even ran on the Great Wall.
I pushed with handcarts 50 miles through Wyoming, where I had some life defining experiences.
I bought a witch hat in Salem, and found lighthouses in Maine.
I had experiences.
I had moments.
And as much as I didn't want it, I had growth.
I've been writing about the adoption story from my point of view. Someday I"ll share it, or at least parts of it.
One of the dumb things I do is --when I'm in crisis mode, I tend to pull inward and try my best to disappear... hence the past 6 months of no blogging. But I've missed it terribly. I hope I'll begin finding things to blog about again. And I hope they will be happy, fun things.
It's time to start looking for happy again.